More of the waiting game!
I have come to the conclusion early in my infertility struggles that the whole thing is one big waiting game. This is difficult for most people, but even more difficult for someone like myself who is very structured and scheduled. This attribute drives DH crazy but it's me and he loves me for it nonetheless.
It starts when you're trying and you don't know something is wrong... each month you try when you think the timing is right, and then you wait for your period to start. And when it does, you wait again to try the next month. Then when you realize there might be a problem, you wait to get in with the best doctor you can find. Then you wait in between tests and follow up appointments to go over results and determine the next step.
Once you choose the IVF path, you then wait for your next period again. Then you start taking Lupron or whatever, and then you wait some more for yet another period! I've never wished for periods like I do now. Before I would freak out and worry about if this month would be bad with cramps and particularly heavy flow but not now! Open up the floodgates because this waiting is holding me up!
Since I'm not to the FSH injections yet, I can't comment on that waiting, but I anticipate more of the same--waiting for each u/s and blood test and then waiting for the follow up phone call with results. And then waiting for a definitive retrieval date! I won't even start on the dreaded two week wait since I haven't experienced that yet. Another time, another journal entry.
But what I can say is that for a person who has to be in control at all times, like myself, I know I will do better at least with the two week wait. Why? Because there is an END date. I know the date I'll go back for bloodwork. Most of the waiting is all so dependent on other events and the "projected" dates fluctuate so much. That's the part I have a hard time with.
I took my last BC pill last night. The clinic has a "projected" date of tomorrow for my (hopefully final) period. I KNOW I will not have full flow tomorrow. I usually don't start for three to four days after my last pill. This bothers me as I fear it will throw off ALL the projected dates. Again, there's that lack of control I refer to. I am trying so so SO hard to just relax, let it happen as it may, and trust that God knows exactly what he is doing, and that the timing may change for a reason I'll never know. Life really is a lot of unknowns, and even though I'm struggling with so many being thrown at me at once, I'm proud of myself for even attempting a process with which I have so little control personally.
My faith is strong and I remain optimistic, unknowns and all. God is great!
It starts when you're trying and you don't know something is wrong... each month you try when you think the timing is right, and then you wait for your period to start. And when it does, you wait again to try the next month. Then when you realize there might be a problem, you wait to get in with the best doctor you can find. Then you wait in between tests and follow up appointments to go over results and determine the next step.
Once you choose the IVF path, you then wait for your next period again. Then you start taking Lupron or whatever, and then you wait some more for yet another period! I've never wished for periods like I do now. Before I would freak out and worry about if this month would be bad with cramps and particularly heavy flow but not now! Open up the floodgates because this waiting is holding me up!
Since I'm not to the FSH injections yet, I can't comment on that waiting, but I anticipate more of the same--waiting for each u/s and blood test and then waiting for the follow up phone call with results. And then waiting for a definitive retrieval date! I won't even start on the dreaded two week wait since I haven't experienced that yet. Another time, another journal entry.
But what I can say is that for a person who has to be in control at all times, like myself, I know I will do better at least with the two week wait. Why? Because there is an END date. I know the date I'll go back for bloodwork. Most of the waiting is all so dependent on other events and the "projected" dates fluctuate so much. That's the part I have a hard time with.
I took my last BC pill last night. The clinic has a "projected" date of tomorrow for my (hopefully final) period. I KNOW I will not have full flow tomorrow. I usually don't start for three to four days after my last pill. This bothers me as I fear it will throw off ALL the projected dates. Again, there's that lack of control I refer to. I am trying so so SO hard to just relax, let it happen as it may, and trust that God knows exactly what he is doing, and that the timing may change for a reason I'll never know. Life really is a lot of unknowns, and even though I'm struggling with so many being thrown at me at once, I'm proud of myself for even attempting a process with which I have so little control personally.
My faith is strong and I remain optimistic, unknowns and all. God is great!
Replies
You made me laugh..loved your journal entry particularly because it\'s so true. Waiting has been driving me crazy. I\'ve been obsessed. And as far as periods I have never wanted them as bad as I do now. My next period will mark my start of bc pills..................................waiting. Though my nurse did tell me that if I did not start by the time they anticipate they can make me start flowing so I am sure it will work out for you too.
Well, I hope you are having a good day. It\'s beautiful here with lots of sun.
Tracy
I know -- I\'m in the waiting game now myself, waiting for AF to show up so I can pick when my d21 lupron start will be. I\'m spotting a bit today, but I know it doesn\'t count, so this will push of my lupron until Jun 3rd. Waiting is so frustrating!