More News About My Mom
I talked more with my mom today... She was supposed to go back to work today, but she went to her primary care doctor and she told her to take some more time until they find out what really happened. She is going to be out of work for at least a week while they get more tests done. They told her also not to drive or anything until they know more. She said the hospitals just kick you out if you don't have insurance and throw you to the curb. My mom's doctor gave her some samples of some blood pressure medication and some other stuff to help her out, along with the aspirin she is going to be taking. The aspirin is a blood thinner and should help her avoid any more clots in the near future. I wish they knew for sure what caused the stroke, but hopefully now that they are doing more research into it they will find out more. The stroke was still minor- she is slurring a bit but she is still talking pretty clearly, and can move on the right side, just not a lot. She has to start her physical therapy tomorrow. I thank all of you here for your well-wishes and prayers!
Tomorrow I have the dreaded therapy session. I've been sleeping for 14+ hours a day, so I know I'm depressed. I have to wake up early in the morning and go see her. I'm dreading it because I have to wake up early, and also talk about my dad. October 4th is the 15th year anniversary of my dad's death, and I normally get really depressed on that day. I tried getting an appointment with her on that day, but she didn't have a time that worked for me. I'm supposed to go into work on that day, and I'm going to try my best to go in. I know going into work is good for me emotionally, so I hope that it will help on that day. I haven't been acting depressed, but I know I have been because of the sleep and barely eating. I'm having trouble getting over 1,200 calories a day most days. Today I made it over because I ate some tortellini for lunch, and that has a bunch of calories in it.
I hate that I'm the last to know how I'm doing. I don't know if I should be glad that I don't feel depressed even though I am. It just makes the depression when it comes so much worse. I don't know what I can do to prepare for the depression other than take my pills (which I have been doing) and going to therapy and talking things out. I know my therapist reads my journals, so she's going to want to talk about my mom, but I want to talk about my dad I think. I don't know. I think I'm dealing with what my mom is going through okay, ever since I talked to my friend about it.
My mood today has been okay... I don't feel the depression even though I know it's there. I slept for 14 or so hours last night... I have trouble falling asleep (last night around midnight), then I slept until about 10:30am. I didn't think that was enough sleep, so I went back to sleep around 11 and slept until 2pm. I can't be sleeping that late, but I still am. I want to still try and work my full day on Friday, but I'm not sure how good of an idea that is anymore. I will see how I do tomorrow waking up at 8:30 and trying not to nap the whole day. On Friday I have to go get my medication, so after work I have to go to Target and pick it up. It's going to take me a while to get my pills at Target, since I'm going to have to wait for them to fill my pills. I just can't afford them any other way (my share of cost for the month has been met, but I still have to pay for it out of pocket and get reimbursed). Geo gets paid on Friday, so that's why it has to be then. I will have to borrow a bit of money from him to get them, but I will get them and that's the important thing. -sigh- I hate having to deal with pills sometimes, but they are necessary. I don't know what I would do without them, but having to deal with them in the first place is a pain in the ass. Oh well, at least I can afford them for now.
Food today was okay in terms of what I ate- I had Wheat Thins and hummus, salad, chicken, corn, potatoes and tortellini. Stress was moderate today... dealing with the new news about my mom was kinda stressful, that it's not as cut and dry as they made it seem at the hospital, but at the same time relief that she is going to be in the hands of someone that's going to care for her. Sleep was disturbed and too much, but that's life. Weight was down half a pound today to 244 even, but I was hoping to lose more. I think I'm gaining weight from not eating enough calories. Crap. I don't know what to do about that. Oh well, all I can do is try and meet my calorie goal every day.
Tomorrow I have the dreaded therapy session. I've been sleeping for 14+ hours a day, so I know I'm depressed. I have to wake up early in the morning and go see her. I'm dreading it because I have to wake up early, and also talk about my dad. October 4th is the 15th year anniversary of my dad's death, and I normally get really depressed on that day. I tried getting an appointment with her on that day, but she didn't have a time that worked for me. I'm supposed to go into work on that day, and I'm going to try my best to go in. I know going into work is good for me emotionally, so I hope that it will help on that day. I haven't been acting depressed, but I know I have been because of the sleep and barely eating. I'm having trouble getting over 1,200 calories a day most days. Today I made it over because I ate some tortellini for lunch, and that has a bunch of calories in it.
I hate that I'm the last to know how I'm doing. I don't know if I should be glad that I don't feel depressed even though I am. It just makes the depression when it comes so much worse. I don't know what I can do to prepare for the depression other than take my pills (which I have been doing) and going to therapy and talking things out. I know my therapist reads my journals, so she's going to want to talk about my mom, but I want to talk about my dad I think. I don't know. I think I'm dealing with what my mom is going through okay, ever since I talked to my friend about it.
My mood today has been okay... I don't feel the depression even though I know it's there. I slept for 14 or so hours last night... I have trouble falling asleep (last night around midnight), then I slept until about 10:30am. I didn't think that was enough sleep, so I went back to sleep around 11 and slept until 2pm. I can't be sleeping that late, but I still am. I want to still try and work my full day on Friday, but I'm not sure how good of an idea that is anymore. I will see how I do tomorrow waking up at 8:30 and trying not to nap the whole day. On Friday I have to go get my medication, so after work I have to go to Target and pick it up. It's going to take me a while to get my pills at Target, since I'm going to have to wait for them to fill my pills. I just can't afford them any other way (my share of cost for the month has been met, but I still have to pay for it out of pocket and get reimbursed). Geo gets paid on Friday, so that's why it has to be then. I will have to borrow a bit of money from him to get them, but I will get them and that's the important thing. -sigh- I hate having to deal with pills sometimes, but they are necessary. I don't know what I would do without them, but having to deal with them in the first place is a pain in the ass. Oh well, at least I can afford them for now.
Food today was okay in terms of what I ate- I had Wheat Thins and hummus, salad, chicken, corn, potatoes and tortellini. Stress was moderate today... dealing with the new news about my mom was kinda stressful, that it's not as cut and dry as they made it seem at the hospital, but at the same time relief that she is going to be in the hands of someone that's going to care for her. Sleep was disturbed and too much, but that's life. Weight was down half a pound today to 244 even, but I was hoping to lose more. I think I'm gaining weight from not eating enough calories. Crap. I don't know what to do about that. Oh well, all I can do is try and meet my calorie goal every day.
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