more musings

I am strangely at peace at the moment.  Who knows what I will be feeling in 5 minutes, but now, I am at peace.

Yesterday, I spent the day with a friend.  She needed to go to Edmonton so I went with her.  I told her I liked to live dangerously.  It took us 12 hours to do a 3 hour trip due to the dreadful weather a couple of weeks ago. It was a much better trip - only a bit of snow and ice.  I felt a bit guilty because I felt I should be cleaning and packing as we leave for Ottawa tomorrow.  However, after 77 years, i know myself well enough to know that I would just get antsy and do nothing.  Today I will do the laundry and pack - I'm a last minute kinda gal!

As I think about the loses over the last year, I am surprised that I am feeling sad but not awful.  It just reminds me that I must have a purpose right now or I would be the one heading towards the pearly gates.  

As Chrismas is soon upon us, I have been reflecting a lot on the past.  Joe is sorting through old photos.  I feel joy and sadness when I see the photos of Lisa and Andrew opening Christmas presents when they were children.  I cry when I think that Lisa isn't going to be here again, to watch her beautiful grandies opening their presents.  As my friend said yesterday, I am essentially Cevyn's mom and the twins' grandmother now.  I get it and there is nowhere else I would rather be than with them.  But dammit, Lisa should be there too.

So today we will pack; tomorrow we head East to celebrate with Cevyn and the girls.  My one regret is that Andrew and Tiina can't come with us.  

Wishing all peace and love.  

Lisa:  I miss you always and love you forever.  I know you will be with us but dammit I want to give you a hug!