More Monday
The day started off rocky at my job. My boss is burned out to the point I think that she just hates coming to work and I cant blame her. Whatever will be will be.
I got home this evening and fell asleep and around 730pm the landlord sends his son over to mow which wakes me up. I guess I shouldn't complain, it's not my house anymore.
I talked to my brother and we have both agreed to go forward with the probate and the attorney and start and finish that chapter. He sounded relieved. But at the end of the call I put him in charge of contacting the attorney to move forward. I cant and won't take all the stress.
I've been invited to a wedding of friends whom are mutually friends of RV Joe's. If I find out he is going, I will not attend and hope this friend understands. I haven't been to a wedding in years. It's funny to talk about weddings because I know I'll never have another one. Just feel it in my gut. I have been thinking about signing up for a meetup group again to make new friends and have people just to hang with on occasion. I know that isolation is ultimately not emotionally healthy and I need to learn to have boundaries and not let my inner caretaker takeover.
It's been almost 3 years since my divorce which I cannot wrap my head around. Alot has happened in that three years and I'm sad because I dont have any real friendships or relationships from all that. I think for so long I've just been in survival mode and now just focusing on my day to day future.
Today at lunch my boss asked me if RV Joe had contacted me in which I told her No. But I wonder why she even brought it up?
People are strange...when your a stranger...
Have a good evening!
Replies
You’re one of my heroes Sage. As arfie says, you have done (and continue) a lot of sorting. I’ve been doing this for a while myself. The aha moment that I keep arriving at is that every moment I feel like I’m ok is a little victory. So simple and yet I can make it so complicated. Breathe and heal, breathe and know I’m not broken after all. Just a little frayed about the edges.
Sage you forgot us. We are your friends!.......I knew what you meant. Like my neighbor for example. I can go visit him and walk through the door without knocking. Those are my kind of people. Always welcoming but they are probably the only friends I have who are like that.
I wish I was neighbors with everyone here. We could have pool parties if one of us had a pool.... Now I am dreaming. Have a great week and don't worry about the boss.
God Bless
I strongly disagree with the notion that you have not developed any relationships since your divorce. A relationship with yourself is the richest relationship you can hope to develop in life. It is a relationship which allows other relationships to develop sustainably while facilitating daring adventures to be launched from a secure base.
Keep on keeping on. . . Believe in yourself as a woman of independent means.
For what it's worth
You have listed three healing opportunities which presented powerfully in my own healing journey.
1) You have spotted your boss's struggle with burn-out. Helping her over the hump can show you healing hopes in action. Giving such support is a serious confidence builder. Exercise those muscles often.
2) Working with your brother to close out the family estate has the potential to bring you much personal closure. Don't brutalize yourself over the hump, but don't listen to the inner critics telling you can't, either. 'Tis amazing what we can accomplish when we gently nudge ourselves to do the best we can with what we have.
3) Missing social opportunities (a friend's wedding) for the sake of avoiding a disconcerting encounter gives away personal power more than just about anything I can think of. Pack yourself a therapy bag and challenge the limit. Easy does it. Be gentle with yourself, whichever way the heart winds blow. Lean freely on your support network as you go.
Just opining. . . Continued support, whichever way you decide is right for you.
Arfie.. I'm really trying to be patient and allow her to take my happiness from me.