More Mania
I'm still feeling the eviction from the BP community. This morning I find myself wondering if I should go Med Compliant, just to regain that support. In living fact, Med Compliance wasnae a household term at the time my pros and I decided I was ready to try flying solo. I have no first hand experiece with the Med Compliance issues. The grammar implications put it as yet another cultural extreme swing from the prohibition trends I came of age with in the early 70's. Those cultural extreme swings remain one of my sociological intrigues, but they are more than a little OT when I am attempting to remediate a manic episode.
Moving on. . .
I believe the "Caging Anthony" analogy is the root of this particular mania. My new E-toy really is pretty damned spiffy. It's design came out of the Gamer Circle with a few less bells and whistles for outsiders such as myself. I have admired the gamer tech since the dedicated gamers were playing with the original Heathkits, but never have been able to embrace the gamer spirit. I theorate that it is my love of the great outdoors which blocks my gamer spirit. Can I challenge you to a spider race?
I almost want my off-line studio badly enough to do the programming, et al myself, but only *almost*. It's a shitload of holes to plug if I start with the available graphics programs and multiple shitloads of programming if I start from scratch. I'd much rather be racing realtime spiders and playing Picasso in my strictly personal art studio. I've located a watercolor teacher and am thinking anew of going full retro to the original off-line art studios, but I don't really believe that approach will work this time either. Back to the weary sense that when I can take myself seriously as an artist, computer is my medium. I love ya, my painty friends, but if you think the shift between watercolor mediums and oil mediums is tough, try going from keyboards to brushes.
Still sorting. . .
Back in the pragmatic realm. . . The wait is on to see if the honey barn will have a new roof at the end of today. The wind factor is the element we are watching. The roof is metal and big sheets of metal can turn the biggest of humans into the Flying Nun in a prairie wind, maybe even if the human is tied to a cow when the wind hits the sheetmetal. Hm-m-m-m. . . It could be fun to test that theory. Maybe even funner than spider races.
Replies
Hugs & support Arfie.
I’m familiar with the evicted from certain communities, that sense that there is something off that leaves you feeling unwelcome but I may been thinking of something different than what you’re describing.
Keep on sorting, be gentle with yourself and the technical challenges with your new toy, and sending lots of support.
I’d go for a spider race but how about a round of hockey instead. We’ve got a perfect layer of packed snow in the back alley that between the garages on each side we have a hockey rink. Grab some snow boots, bundle up and head my way for some puck & stick workouts if you’re interested.
Hugs & love
magic carpet (sheet metal) ride ? are we racing the spiders or crawling like spiders in the race? I would Enjoy the shows, have a funner day and a drier night.
No new roof today. Monday is the current hope. Damned Mother Nature. . .
It is a different thing, Vltava. Manic Depression was my first official psych dx. Somewhere along the way MD morphed into BP. Popular theory in our support groups had it that Medical Doctors didn't like competing with the likes of Winston Churchill and Steven Spielberg for their acronym. Fast forward another decade or three and BP therapy seems to have morphed into Med Therapy with its natural off-shoot of Med Compliance. I have been evicted from several BP support groups for being Non-Compliant. I hope I said all that right. . . It is a mind-bending body of yaddahs to reach through for a psychotherapy tool. Sorting. . .
"Prairie Wind Surfing" comes to mind for the sheetmetal on a cow's tail. We can do both in the spider races, Sis. You already know I'm gonna win the race where we are imitating the spiders. Your eye for talent might beat me on the racing spiders. Miss you madly.
So glad you are liking your New Toy! Being Totally devoid of computer innards...ya lost me at "programing". Way Way back in highschool, we had the Big computers that looked like 4' by 6' and we did punch card programing...
Oh those winds were howling in CT big time last night....scary.... and I don't have a metal roof to come flying off. It's darn cold though...started the day with 8 degrees now at 1130 only warmed up two more. Hope the winds will slow or change directions!
As for manic depression/bipolar...my personal belief is two fold. first MD is more directed towards the symptoms, and bipolar is directed to the "political correct" diagnosis of mental illness today. I also don't think bipolar sounds so Bad, less intimidating than manic depressive.
As for the non compliance with medications, I too went for probably 15+ years with no medication other than an anit depressant. Then in 2010 I had my hospitalization for depression...for the most part, then I got weird hypo worrying about being in hospital only 4 days...I ended going back for another 7. While there a lets say "F'd up doctor put me on a medication that turned me into zombie land...so yes the pill popping theory is very correct!
Then I bit the bullet, never done anything like it before..."I Refused Medication"...the dr was Pissed to say the least. Anyway after I left the hospital I was on the last remaining 'symptoms' of Trileptal....went into an iop group, and it was there I started on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer...not anti psychotic and Prozac. Honest to God, I called them my "Thank You God Drugs" because I started to feel beyond normal bp, I felt Good.
As far as me taking Lamictal, starting on very low dose 25mg to build up to 200mg, I've been stable with no debilitating lows, more important no side effects! . So I don't know how it works for mania. In bp rooms, two areas are at play I think...people are Pissed cause they take all these meds and they deal with side effects. Second, they want, but are probably afraid to stop, despite all the side effects....jealous maybe? Perhaps just a 'straight mental health group' with no particulars like bp/ptsd...just focused on wellness.
Sending my best to you Arfie as you process the pro's and con's of psychosis.....
In my personal awareness, "Political Correctness" had yet to become a household/nuthouse term when the shift from MD to BP happened. Now ya got me wondering if the name change was the first of the political correction campaigns. Can't be offending our medical communities. Near as anybody in our peer support network could tell, the change was name only. Our treatment programs didn't skip a beat. Buttttttttaaaaaa. . . Further fact is that I was quite psychotic during those years. There were quite allot of cultural yaddahs that were not penetrating my psychotic breaks. That not-so-simple fact definitely plays into this psycho snot knot. I've come a long way, but my memory is still not so hot. I remain extremely vulnerable to gas-lighting.
When and how psychotherapy morphed into med therapy/enforced compliance is a snot knot I am not ready to tackle. I was released from pro therapy around 2k. I think most of that morphing action happened since then. I feel kind of blind-sided by it. I just a patient with zero psych pro aspirations. It be the loss of peer support I am grieving.
For me peer support groups, there is a weekly one where I live, very early at 9am on Saturday. I did run a group way back...one of the best things was the understanding of people "get it". Where other typicals, despite the caring, or some others who just don't give a shit... just don't get our inner as well as mental pain, lack of control over mind/body of cycles/behaviors/emotions...because they've never walked in bp shoes.