More fortunate than expected.

Hi, if you're reading this. I'm not a super private person and that is why you see this. I'll tell you something about myself, my personal history in the hope that you will understand me a little better. I don't actually know how to make friends and it has been so long since I have had any. I was born into a family that had a functioning alcoholic, my dad. Neither of my parents wanted me and they told me as much daily, telling me that I was a mistake, should not have been born, should have been drowned while a "pup", would never amount to anything. I went thru school wearing second hand clothes while my two sisters had much better things. I was treated like human trash in middle school thru high school having been called every insult that has ever been devised. Why? My dad was white and my mother a mixed white and native american. Very few kids were interested in having me as a friend and were very verbal about it. In my 8 th grade year of middle school I was anally raped in a locker room by a big kid, 3 times my size. He held me to the floor and had his way. He then kicked me hard 5 times and succeeded in breaking 3 ribs and left me laying there. I believe that I had passed out from the pain because I was found at the end of the school day by the janitor and sent to the hospital. My parents and the school did nothing about it except to not speak of it. It did get around the school and I was a the laughing stock of both middle school and high school. I once tried to tell the police about what had happened to me, but they called my dada and told him that his son was down at the police station making up stories. He came to the station anmd took me home, and then he beat the hell out of me for embarrassing him. He said that he hated me because I am a "puss" and not man enough to call me his son. I was beat up 3 more times after this in school and I was terrified of going there, and it showed in my grades; D's, F's, allowed to pass, note from the teachers telling my parents that I must be retarded and put in special education. I was afraid to be in school and at home. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I ended by being a social outcast with no friends and parents that seemed as though they hoped I would get killed somehow. After I graduated I was lost. My parents told me to get out and I did. I was lucky and found my first job and rented a room for 50 bucks a month. I have lived this way for much of my life, with no direction and no purpose, no idea what I wanted for me. And then one day 40 years ago I met someone that needed help along the highway. A couple whose car engine was on fire and I put the fire out for them. The car was toast and would not run so I took them to a church pastor who was able to take them on to Kansas City. I would have but I had 7 dollrs to me name and a 1/4 tank of gas. As it turned out the woman was so grateful that she told me I love ya and gave me a huge, long hug. I decided then that if this was what it feels like to be loved then I want more of it! I have been trying to help other people since, and I do not expect or ask for anything in return. I still have no idea how to make friends, and sometimes I am not sure that I want any..but I'm going to try to get some anyway. I owe it to me to find out. Now, thank you for stopping by and reading this. Good or bad, it feels good to share. Peace..