More firsts
We are approaching fall, and that means fall fairs. The major fair near us is the Eastern States Exposition (Big E). Every year we have "Big E Day" where my wife, step-daughters, and my wife's parents join us and we pull my son out of school to spend the day at the fair. It is a very large fair and takes a full day to see most of it.
So, I won't be included in our traditional Big E day. That makes me very sad. I'm considering pulling my son for a "Big E Day with Dad," but he likely won't be too excited to go a second time having spent the day there with his sisters and grandparents. He really enjoys outings with his sisters.
I also made a mistake in the divorce, and I gave my Ex the summer week at our time share. I kept the Columbus Day week. It is in NH and I love the cool mornings and the foliage. However, my son went with my Ex and all the kids for the summer week. He says he wants to go with me for the fall week, but it will just be the two of us and if I take him, he will miss a week of school and they are strict, so it also is a consideration for having him miss two days of school for two Big E days.
We didn't specify in the divorce agreement about holidays, but verbally we had said he could choose where he wanted to be. The goal is to make sure he feels no guilt around his choices, but in retrospect that was another mistake. Of course he will want to spend the holidays at home with his mom and sisters. I'll never have him for Thanksgiving, Christmas... I'll likely be invited over for Christmas dinner, but that's very uncomfortable now.
I did just have a nice mini-vacation with my son, and I should be basking in that happiness, but I started looking ahead at my calendar for planning today, and I'm feeling really sad as I think of the loss of "family" events and traditions. I know I can try to build some new traditions, but I feel the loss heavily today.
So, I won't be included in our traditional Big E day. That makes me very sad. I'm considering pulling my son for a "Big E Day with Dad," but he likely won't be too excited to go a second time having spent the day there with his sisters and grandparents. He really enjoys outings with his sisters.
I also made a mistake in the divorce, and I gave my Ex the summer week at our time share. I kept the Columbus Day week. It is in NH and I love the cool mornings and the foliage. However, my son went with my Ex and all the kids for the summer week. He says he wants to go with me for the fall week, but it will just be the two of us and if I take him, he will miss a week of school and they are strict, so it also is a consideration for having him miss two days of school for two Big E days.
We didn't specify in the divorce agreement about holidays, but verbally we had said he could choose where he wanted to be. The goal is to make sure he feels no guilt around his choices, but in retrospect that was another mistake. Of course he will want to spend the holidays at home with his mom and sisters. I'll never have him for Thanksgiving, Christmas... I'll likely be invited over for Christmas dinner, but that's very uncomfortable now.
I did just have a nice mini-vacation with my son, and I should be basking in that happiness, but I started looking ahead at my calendar for planning today, and I'm feeling really sad as I think of the loss of "family" events and traditions. I know I can try to build some new traditions, but I feel the loss heavily today.
Replies
Have you considered going to court and revisiting the visitation schedule? No judge would let your ex have every holiday? If the change came via a court order, your son might not feel any guilt. You were grief-stricken at the time of the divorce so you may have made some unwise decisions. It\'s not too late to rectify it.
I agree.. It may be worth revisiting.. in my state visitation is \'solid\' for 3 years.. Hope thats not the case for you.. Its hard making all those important decisions while your hurting, I\'m sure your not the first to revisit.. Talk to your lawyer atleast.. The \'firsts\' are brutal... But they are only \'firsts\' once.. It does ease up.. ((Hugs))
Can you maybe trade off holidays. Or let him spend half the day with your ex and half with you? As summer is now winding down I am starting to think about this as well. I don\'t ever want to be without my kids on holidays but I know I can\'t have them all the time. It is heart breaking.
Hey Lost,
I hear you on looking at future events and feeling loss. I was looking at my move-out for a few weeks with the same kind of feeling, loss. When the events transpired though, they were not as bad as I expected. I know it may be hard to see that, but honor yourself and your words there \"basking in that happiness,\" that\'s a good place to be, in the here and now. It\'s difficult.