More Changes in My Life
Monday, May 25, 2007 - 3:05 PM Life has not always gone the way I would have liked. Although I have tried making a major change in my life, things have not turned out as easily as I had planned. And as frustrating as that may seem, I am not yet ready to give up on it. For the last ten years, I have had to use an internal catheter as the result of an infection that I received while I was "incarcerated" in a nursing home. It was not done out of choice, but out of necessity. During the past eight or nine days, I have tried to change from an internal catheter to an external one. The change occurred because I have had a urinary tract infection almost every month for one year. It now appears as though the infections were caused by rubbing and scraping of the catheter within my bladder. It was causing internal bleeding as well as the infections. The new external catheters feel much more comfortable and they do not cause any pain. On the downside, it has been extremely hard to stop them from leaking. When this occurs, I find it to be humiliating since either a nurse or one of my CNAs has to clean me up. The leaking causes me to have flashbacks back to when I was a child and occasionally wet my pants. At that time, my mother used to tell me, "If you are going to act like an animal, then I am going to treat you like an animal." She would then rub my urine stained pants all over my face. The director of nursing for my home healthcare agency has been to see me three times in just two days because of the problems I have being encountering in the use of the new external catheters. She told me she knew that I was uncomfortable by having to ask for additional help, but both she and my doctor felt that it was imperative for me to make this change, and the director of nursing told me that they were going to make this work for me. She stated that she finds me to be a likable person and that she and the others enjoy working with me.(Whether or not that was true, it made me feel better.) I am sure that by now all of my CNAs are well aware that I do not like asking them for extra help, but they have tried making this change easier on me by saying that they are aware that I cannot help these physical problems that I have been having. There have been several times when I have felt like refusing to use the new catheters, but I know that this will not help my problems in the long run. I intend to just keep pushing on and know that it will get better as time goes by.
Replies
I am pleased that you are not ready to give up. Please keep strong and focused.
Hi Jim Hang in there. Once you get use to this new cath. Then you\'ll have less infections and you\'ll feel much better, I know you can do it. Many hugs-Stephanie
Gosh. What was wrong with your mother? To have your own mother say something like that hurts to the very core, I think. I\'m so sorry that you endured that. I really am beginning to see how you were born into the wrong family.
Flashbacks are so hard to cope with. Do you find them hard? I get really tired. I hope you are able to get some rest and lots of support, Jim. It sounds like there are many people around you right now that want to help and may have some understanding of how difficult things can be. I hope that is the case.
I think it\'s true that it\'s a good idea to have the internal catheter removed. That will mean less trips to the hospital and less antibiotics, which can only mean good for your physical health. As for the mental stuff, you know where to come for support.
Yes, Jim.
Your mother was a few sheets short of a ream.....
Whatever it takes to end the infections. I think part of all that you\'re feeling lately is due to a physical body that isn\'t equipped to handle it - it\'s sick with infections, and battered by antibiotics which can have long term energy effects.
Hugs and Mojo to you Jim.....
Weebs
Yes, mom had some real problems. Weebs, I think you once described her as \'being a few colors short of a rainbow.\" Everyone in the family knew there was something wrong with her, but not sure what. Added to that was the fact that all of us were, quite literally, afraid of her - including dad.
Even though I have only been using an external catheter for a week, I can already feel a positive change in my body. The infections are gone, as is the internal bleeding.
In a few days, I\'ll be devoting a journal entry (or part of one) to some flashbacks I\'ve been having.