Moody and Miserable
This isn't exactly one of my better days....I went to work which was okay, but upon returning home, I felt my emotions go up and down like a roller coaster. I'm frustrated, and angry because things aren't going well for me, and I have to vent eventually. I sometimes feel like I'm walking a tight rope without a safety net below. The most important thing is that I do have my faith which is constantly being tested, and today, I directed my frustrations toward God. I was wrong to do this, but it's so hard being ME! Sometimes, I believe that I deserve to be miserable and unhappy, and unworthy of true contentment. I really wonder. Over the weekend, I recieved a call from the neighborhood clinic informing me that some test results are in...and the doctor wants to discuss the results with me. I'm a little worried......but it's my problem.
Replies
Hi Sabrina15,
thanks for your comment in my journal, it is so nice to know someone is out there!....yes, there is a lot to be said for venting and of course the occasional (or not so occasional) swearing session. I find that it is my faith that is tested also, my faith is the only thing that enabled me to get thru my life so far, but since the illness i have no choice...there is nowhere else to turn.
I dont believe that getting angry with God is bad at all...if we are the children of God then by all means we have the right on occasion to act like children...i find that my relationship with God is intensely personal, and if it is to be a true relationship then God must know how i feel...it is better for me to open all the dark and hidden corners of my heart and mind for God to heal and love.
dont even try to keep it hidden from God...that would be futile!
none of us deserve to be unhappy and none of us are unworthy of happiness or love...i can tell by your kindness to me (a stanger in need) that you are a kind and loving person...
i hope your test results are helpful and you can find some assistance, and it is normal to be worried...i have my next neurologist appt this month...and although it is only follow up appt i am worried also...the dizzy spells are so bad at the moment that i cannot drive and they are almost constant...it is the hand tremors that worry me the most though.
i hope that you too can be patient and loving with yourself and give yourself permission to feel what it is you are feeling. be that anger, frustation, guilt, or happiness.
here for you,
trinaf
Thank you trinaf, for your wise and thoughtful response to my journal entry. I\'m seriously trying to put my life in order, so that I can experience more joy, even though I sometimes feel guilty when expressing my frustrations. Finding this online support system is a welcome change, and I plan to make the most of it. :)