Mood dropping by the minute

I'm still struggling.  Father called and screamed at me again.  He hadn't taken his pill, a pill that prevents infection after surgery.  I'm livid, scared, alone.  It's finally come to me chosing my own survival at this point.  In two months I've lost a husband and a father.  I'm beside myself now, miserable and would love to wake in the arms of God.  I'm starting to feel not worthy of God.  Walking away to save myself.  I'm worried about my father but am powerless to help him because he won't let me help.
 
I can't tell you the hell he's put me through in years past, but still I hoped to have him in my life.    I'm so down in the dumps now I couldn't imagine.  I'm too weak to crawl out because I've used all my strength just to survive losing my husband.
I'm moving in two weeks.  Got no place to go.  Can't stay here because it's already rented.  I've got to find someplace in two weeks.  What a mess.  What a mess.