Monday morning,another week,who knows?

Good morning journal,the time is now 10:14am and I have been awake for around thirty minutes.I woke up sandwiched between three dogs and minus one wife who had obviously been forced to exit the marital bed earlier by sheer weight of numbers.When I finally managed to unwrap myself from the blanket of fur around me and actually stand on the bedroom floor,my body felt like I had spent the night sleeping in a suitcase,I'm still trying to massage some feeling back into parts of it even now sitting at my desk.Yesterday was a very pleasant day,it was my wife's birthday,she is seven years,three months and ten days younger than me,I've just sat here and worked that out,how sad is that people?. Anyway,I managed to buy her a card and a small gift,nothing too much,but it was given with all of my love and appreciation,and we spent the remainder of the day in each others company,which for her,was probably the best gift of all,I'm not an easy man to live with because of my various illnesses,but I tried to make an effort,as I always do,to be nice,and to be the husband she deserves,and,just for this one special day,I'm very glad that it worked out that way.I have been considering taking a break from this site recently,and I may still do so,I get tired trying to write positive things in my journal when there is nothing positive or upbeat to report,it does not help my depression or my mental health situation at all,but on Friday last,I decided to make a couple of calls.I still haven't been able to get a contact number or an e-mail address for the wheelchair people from my doctor,every time I ask,the person who deals with it is either not in that day or at lunch,so I've stopped asking,it will get here if it gets here.I did call pulmonary rehab and spoke to a very nice young lady called Stephanie,I am enrolled in the next group of classes due to start in November and I will be contacted by letter with the start date before then,okay,job done,I can handle that.Second call was to the disability people to check on the status of my application,all they could tell me was that it was ongoing and still in the hands of the assessors.The young man I spoke to was called Chris and I asked him if we would get a verdict within the ten weeks after my initial application on July 31st this year,"we have decided that ten weeks was an unrealistic target",he said,oh really?,then why did you say it would be done and dusted within that ten week period I wondered?."The sheer volume of applications we have received has meant we now have a backlog,and this has meant that the ten week period we mentioned to you is now an unrealistic target to aim for",he informed me."Fine",I said,"so how long will it take now?","I have no idea",said Chris,"all I can tell you is that it will be resolved when it is resolved",apparently,the assessors will write to me with an appointment for a face to face assessment if they decide that I need one,if they decide that I don't,then they will pass on their verdict to the disability department who will then notify me of what,if any,my award will be,so the short answer to how long we will be in limbo is,nobody knows,well that's alright then.As to what is happening with my so called dedicated mental health team?,as of this moment in time,we haven't got a clue,nobody has spoken to either myself or my wife apart from one telephone conversation my wife had with a mental health nurse who's name escapes me for the moment,she informed her that she was passing on my details to her supervisor so that I could be reassigned to another social worker or mental health nurse as soon as possible;that was ten days ago and we have heard nothing since.Is it any wonder that I have no trust in the people and departments who are supposed to treat me?,like I said in an earlier journal entry,I'm better off on my own,I know where I am mentally and physically,so I have decided that if they don't care then neither do I,I'm sick of false promises and delays,I've come this far on my own and I can go on dealing with things on my own.Tomorrow morning,I have an appointment with a lady called Janet at the citizens advice bureau concerning our debt and creditors,we can no longer even meet the minimal payments we agreed with them after my illness and incapacitation began,so,reluctant as we are,I have decided to go down the road of a debt relief order,it's similar to being declared bankrupt,but it is the only way that we can see to give ourselves some breathing space with the various creditors that we owe money to,we need time to regroup,time to think,and time for the disability people to finally get back to us with an award,if of course,they decide that I'm actually ill in their eyes.Well journal,that's it for now,as well as being bankrupt financially,I am bankrupt spiritually and emotionally,all we can do is wait,and continue to pray,walk with us Jesus,we're still leaning on You as always.