Monday-June 16h,2008-without my frank again

I am in so much pain and it has to be released.I miss frank so much now and the days are getting longer.But I am doing things by myself and trying to snap out of this.But there is noone here in seattle that I can talk to.All of the clinics here are amid of budget cuts and in time some services will be cut.All I have now are my cats and the memories of frank and the house.I cannot look at the pictures of his last birthday.I cannot even stand to see the pictures of him smiling.But I will say this..He loved being a brother and he loved everyone of us.And I did not know that this would be so hard.As for me..I have decided to stay with Brad.He does not know of the pending bills and that stanley gave me the money.Brad and I have got respect and that is something that noone has.He does not go into my room and I do not go into him.Brad does not read my e-mail and he does not read my mail.When the mail comes,I put it on his desk and when I get mine..I take it.I will pay off this bill by July when I get that rebate check.I cannot wait to get it and pay some more and I will have only 100.00 to myself.300.00 does not go a lot in seattle today.When Brad was sick.I spent 300.00 on food and such for the cats.On the 28th of June will be my high school reunion and this is the one that I am not going and I wish that I could.But I have to conserve my money because i will taking a brief vacation in the spring.I have always taken my vacation in the spring.Summer is just too much money and my father is dead.ANd I want to tell everyone that some people shy away from you now.ANd they avoid you like poison and I will never forget this at all.I will always miss the house and my room.I miss feeding the squirrels and birds and I just miss it.I will never have another house again and I am so sorry that I lost it,but if couldnt be helped.My mothers drinking did her in.