Monday,another week where we pray for some news

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:27am,and I have come to my desk after a night of interrupted and broken sleep. My wife and two of our canine children are still asleep,Buttons,as usual,hopping into my side of the bed almost before I finished getting out of it,and Bree,under the covers,in her customary place behind her human mother's knees. Caesar is fast asleep on our sofa and didn't even open an eye when I entered with my first coffee of the day,so I am alone for now,and this is the time that I like to sit back and let the stillness and calm of the early moments of the new day wash over me.This morning,I have no conscious thought of anything to write about,so,as I always do at times like this,I will let my fingers move on my keyboard,and we will see what will be revealed on the page. Today is the start of another working week for most people,and we are praying that at some point during it,we will perhaps hear from someone concerning our situation,it would be nice to know that somebody cared about my health,either physically or mentally,other than us.Outside today,the remnants of last nights storm are still evident on the sidewalks,slick with wetness,and in the trees,where the branches lie heavy and dripping with a mixture of early morning dew and rivulets of rain water left in the leaves from the night just gone. There is a freshness,and a crispness in the air that always seems to remain after a period of heavy rainfall,and,if nothing more,it enables me to breathe much easier on my own. I like the sensation of breathing unhindered by lungs which can no longer inflate enough to manage it fully on their own,it is a function which most people take entirely for granted,in....out,....in,....out,easy isn't it?,that is unless you happen to have COPD,coupled with Emphysema,it is both a debilitating,and,at times,lonely disease,an "invisible illness",and unfortunately,a lot of people are of the opinion that you aren't really sick,if you can't see it,you can't have it,right?,.....wrong. Unfortunately for me,most of the illnesses I suffer from today are so called,"invisible illnesses",I have type 2 diabetes,which occasionally soars out of control just to let me know it's still there,I have tachycardia,another invisible enemy that results in my heart beating too quickly,so making it harder to breathe unaided,and leaving me with occasional chest pain and shortness of breath that is obvious,even to the majority of people who doubt that these "invisible illnesses" exist.I suffered a T.I.A. back in 2010,a mini stroke which has left me with a general weakness on my left side,but thankfully,no other lasting damage,I have arthritis in both hands which can result in them resembling talon like claws when an attack happens,they just simply freeze,rendering them extremely painful and unable to move except by massaging them for as long as it takes until some mobility returns. In fact,my entire left side suffers from arthritis,and I use a walking cane to get around most of the time,except indoors,where I shuffle between items of furniture when necessary to reach whichever destination I am headed for,but it works for me for which I am very grateful. I also have asthma,which,together with the COPD and Emphysema,is also invisible,do you see what I'm trying to get across?,none of these different things can be seen with the naked eye,unless of course,you happen to stumble upon me in the midst of one or more of these diseases when they decide to manifest themselves in me,until then,for a lot of people,they simply don't exist.Then of course,we come to the muscular atrophy in both legs and my upper torso,now,if you have known me for quite a long time,then the weight loss would be obvious to you,if you have entered my life fairly recently,then you would just think that I am naturally very thin,on my last time on the scales,I tipped them,fully clothed,at 57.5 kilos,that's nine stone one pound roughly in old money,before I became ill,my fighting weight was between ten stone seven pounds and eleven stone,that's roughly a stone and a half I have lost due to lack of exercise caused by my inability to walk for any great distance,and my extreme tiredness most of the time,therefore,to most people who have become involved with me in the past few months,it is yet another of these,so called,"invisible illnesses". The dizziness from which I suffer on rising could be due to several things,low blood pressure,which I have anyway,a spike in my blood sugar levels caused by my diabetes,or simply because I got up too quickly,whatever the cause,it is most annoying,and,at times,quite frightening. Finally,there is the daddy of all "invisible illnesses",depression;now your ordinary run of the mill depression wasn't good enough for me,oh no,I had to have depression with psychosis,hey,if your going to do something,do it right,yes?,depression by itself is a horrible illness,(yep,that's another invisible disease),but when you hear voices as well,that can result in people rolling their eyes and changing the subject as quickly as common decency will allow. The annoying thing for most people about me,is that I can talk about "my voices",with no hint of shame or embarrassment,they are simply a part of who I am today,an extension of myself as it were.I happen,unlike most people,to believe that my voices are real,I really don't care who thinks I'm a candidate for a rubber room,too much has happened over the last two years or so to convince me that the voices who share my mind are anything else but real,and not just some figment of my imagination,and if I'm not embarrassed or ashamed,why should anyone else be?,they are my voices,I'm the one with mental illness,not you,and the good news is,...it isn't contagious,you can physically touch me,sit with me,and nothing bad will happen to you,I'm not a leper,I'm the man I have always been,just a little different inside my head. You know journal,for someone who came here this morning to write about nothing in particular,we seem to have waffled on about quite a lot,that happens sometimes with "blind writing",you start off with nothing,and end up with a page full of,well,practically nothing!. When I look back and actually see the list of illnesses that I've listed,I think that I'm actually doing not too badly in still breathing at all!. Any news of my missing wheelchair?,don't be silly,it will be the middle of November before I have a chance of hearing anything about that,I have accepted that,and I'm okay with it,what other choice do I have?. My claim for disability?,same thing really,it could be months,yes months,before I hear anything from them,if the latest news reports are anything to go by,the government has stated that the backlog of claimants had been vastly underestimated,and therefore,claims will take much longer than first thought to be decided upon,perhaps they're hoping that a lot of us actually die before they finally get around to us,it sure would lighten the load a bit,I'm doing my best Mr Prime Minister,but darn it if God doesn't keep letting me wake up again in the mornings!. My pulmonary rehab classes start a week today,Monday November 4th,they will last six weeks with two sessions a week,hopefully I will resemble a body builder by the end of it,hey,a man can aim high can't he?. On Friday of this week,November 1st,I have my next scheduled appointment with Doctor Prince,my esteemed psychiatrist,who knows?,perhaps my friendly social worker might put in an appearance as well,it would be nice to know that she,unlike my voices,wasn't just a figment of my imagination.Well,I've rambled enough for now,I am a little tired,and my coffee cup needs replenishing,so,until next time journal,we keep pushing air in and out to the best of our abilities,and lean on our Father in Heaven for the rest.