Monday again
Day by day my house is getting better organized - yea for me! I'm packing up my collected knick-knacks and marking them so they go to the right kid when I die. I'm filing all the scattered paperwork and trying to sort through and dispose of my husband's clothes. It is a sad job.
This morning I went to old farts' Tai Chi at the local "Y" with my friend/neighbor. I am so lucky to have her just across the cul-de-sac! I'm 76 and she is 79, but she seems younger than I feel. Tomorrow we go out of town to do an old ladies' yoga at her daughter's studio. Again, I'm a lucky person because I get to go free here, too (my HMO pays the "Y" membership) because I go with the instructor's mother!
Friday I go put in an application for senior housing where a friend lives. She was on "the list" for 2 and a half years before she got in. A few weeks ago she had the flu and passed out in her apartment. Couldn't get to the emergency pull cord and laid on the floor 10 hours before being able to make a phone call. After five days in the hospital she is okay again. When I spoke with her she asked me when I'm coming back to the gardens. After my 49 year old son died of a sudden heart attack in '08, I did volunteer work at a local botanical garden to help with my grief. That is where I met this friend. She had just lost her husband. All that potting and propagating and getting covered head to toe with dirt actually did help me deal with the pain. Maybe I will consider it again after I get my life in a bit more order. Meanwhile I'd better find some time to get outside here and deal with the weeds.
Anyhow I seem to be doing everything right, but why don't I feel better? I read posts of others who have lost their spouse and they talk of all their family surrounding and supporting them. I bet that would be a wonderful feeling. But I am alone. My only nearby son has Asperger's, no emotional support there. My other two children live far away. I am alone. I miss my husband every moment. I want him back. I'm sick of going through the motions and having to look ahead at empty years. I'm doing the right things, but I have no joy in life anymore. Tomorrow it will be two months since he left me alone. This sucks!
This morning I went to old farts' Tai Chi at the local "Y" with my friend/neighbor. I am so lucky to have her just across the cul-de-sac! I'm 76 and she is 79, but she seems younger than I feel. Tomorrow we go out of town to do an old ladies' yoga at her daughter's studio. Again, I'm a lucky person because I get to go free here, too (my HMO pays the "Y" membership) because I go with the instructor's mother!
Friday I go put in an application for senior housing where a friend lives. She was on "the list" for 2 and a half years before she got in. A few weeks ago she had the flu and passed out in her apartment. Couldn't get to the emergency pull cord and laid on the floor 10 hours before being able to make a phone call. After five days in the hospital she is okay again. When I spoke with her she asked me when I'm coming back to the gardens. After my 49 year old son died of a sudden heart attack in '08, I did volunteer work at a local botanical garden to help with my grief. That is where I met this friend. She had just lost her husband. All that potting and propagating and getting covered head to toe with dirt actually did help me deal with the pain. Maybe I will consider it again after I get my life in a bit more order. Meanwhile I'd better find some time to get outside here and deal with the weeds.
Anyhow I seem to be doing everything right, but why don't I feel better? I read posts of others who have lost their spouse and they talk of all their family surrounding and supporting them. I bet that would be a wonderful feeling. But I am alone. My only nearby son has Asperger's, no emotional support there. My other two children live far away. I am alone. I miss my husband every moment. I want him back. I'm sick of going through the motions and having to look ahead at empty years. I'm doing the right things, but I have no joy in life anymore. Tomorrow it will be two months since he left me alone. This sucks!
Replies
I am praying for you that you will feeling better & find joy in life again. I have not experienced losing a spouse, so I can\'t say that I know how you feel, I have lost a brother, age 60, a sister who was 67. I have my oldest & only sibling left, he is 83 & lives in New Mexico.
Love & hugs,
Lois