[Mon.5/21/12] It is Finished
Yes, the dark season of my life is finished. And its has left me feeling FRUSTRATED, FATIGUED, FEARFUL, and like a FAILURE. I realized those feelings a couple of weeks ago and managed to coin a mathematical equation: F4=D. Then earlier this month, I added 'times infinity'. Written out it looks like this:
(FRUSTRATION x FATIQUE x FEAR x FAILURE)infinity = DEPRESSION
Anyway, as I was was saying, the dark season has ended and now I do not know what to do. The only thing I have left is my faith and although, I would never give it up it feels like it really isn't doing nothing for me right now, because I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I tried reading a book yesterday, and I found a quote that really spoke to me. So I wrote it down. Then my husband walks in and reads it and says it doesn't make sense. But it makes sense to me; I see it clearly in our lives. The quote was this:
"POVERTY is rooted in broken relationships..."
I clearly see how that is possible, but he doesn't. And I assume others don't either, yet I am sitting here in poverty because of broken relationships that I have failed at AGAIN!
And all these broken relationships are costing me...they are costing me my HEALTH, my FINANCES, and just the everyday happiness of being alive. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix my own life. And I keep going back to my faith, but that too, doesn't help me figure out what to do. Today in thinking about my faith, I remembered a mantra that has helped me through other tough times. Here it is:
"When you don't know what to do, do what you know, till you know what to do"
I kept repeating it over and over, but I still don't know what to do. Before, I interpreted the middle part "do what you know" to mean prayer. So I would pray and figure out what to do. But I've been praying for a while now and everything has mushroomed and gotten out of control and now I don't know what to do.
So What do I do?
When you don't know what to do, do what you know, till you know what to do"
do what you know...do what you know...do what you know...I don't KNOW what to do...I don't know what I know to do...does that make sense...I really don't know what to do now!!!
ARGHH....
Random Thoughts on my Whiteboard
Worship - Discover - Share ...
POVERTY is rooted in broken relationships...so the {solution} to poverty is rooted in the power of {Jesus} death and resurrection to put all things into right relationship.
The choices we make dictate the lives we lead...
I can do all things through Christ who strengthns me...
When you don't know what to do...do what you know...till you know what to do.
Guilt: bad feelings about things we do...
Shame: bad feeling about who we are...
Depressed Recluse
(FRUSTRATION x FATIQUE x FEAR x FAILURE)infinity = DEPRESSION
Anyway, as I was was saying, the dark season has ended and now I do not know what to do. The only thing I have left is my faith and although, I would never give it up it feels like it really isn't doing nothing for me right now, because I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I tried reading a book yesterday, and I found a quote that really spoke to me. So I wrote it down. Then my husband walks in and reads it and says it doesn't make sense. But it makes sense to me; I see it clearly in our lives. The quote was this:
"POVERTY is rooted in broken relationships..."
I clearly see how that is possible, but he doesn't. And I assume others don't either, yet I am sitting here in poverty because of broken relationships that I have failed at AGAIN!
And all these broken relationships are costing me...they are costing me my HEALTH, my FINANCES, and just the everyday happiness of being alive. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix my own life. And I keep going back to my faith, but that too, doesn't help me figure out what to do. Today in thinking about my faith, I remembered a mantra that has helped me through other tough times. Here it is:
"When you don't know what to do, do what you know, till you know what to do"
I kept repeating it over and over, but I still don't know what to do. Before, I interpreted the middle part "do what you know" to mean prayer. So I would pray and figure out what to do. But I've been praying for a while now and everything has mushroomed and gotten out of control and now I don't know what to do.
So What do I do?
When you don't know what to do, do what you know, till you know what to do"
do what you know...do what you know...do what you know...I don't KNOW what to do...I don't know what I know to do...does that make sense...I really don't know what to do now!!!
ARGHH....
Random Thoughts on my Whiteboard
Worship - Discover - Share ...
POVERTY is rooted in broken relationships...so the {solution} to poverty is rooted in the power of {Jesus} death and resurrection to put all things into right relationship.
The choices we make dictate the lives we lead...
I can do all things through Christ who strengthns me...
When you don't know what to do...do what you know...till you know what to do.
Guilt: bad feelings about things we do...
Shame: bad feeling about who we are...
Depressed Recluse
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