Moment of Clarity

It seems once a day sometimes for a few hours sometimes for a few minutes I get these weird moments of clarity. Why can't I stay in those moments? I imagine this is how normal people feel all of the time?
When I read my journal entries while in my pit of Hell during a moment of clarity I wonder how I can be in such a terrible state of mind. Then the moment passes...and I'm back in the pit.
What a strange period of life the last 5 years have been. I just fear the future contains more negative events then positive. With all of my families health issues I know more of our already small family are going to pass on.
My only spark of life is my mom. After losing my dad I pray she lives forever as I don't know if I would recover her loss...