Mom on my mind..... ALOT

We went into NewYork last night for a birthday dinner with my sister/brotherinlaw, brother/sisterinlaw and my was a cool place, tapas style... we tried a ton of different ver y yummy dishes! Took a nice walk, it was such a beautiful night and headed back home.... but then there was a song on the radio, just kinda got me thinking ... MOMMY, MOMMY!!!...... couldn't get the day at the hospital when my dad said we gotta bring her home, she has been thru too much. There is  nothing more love, nothing more, she fought so hard, enough is enough.  Honestly I am thinking, what the hell is wrong with me, I just had a great night out with my siblings, and I am thinking about that, lori, think, think of Mommy laughing.... smiling.... hugging you! It's alot, and I was wondering, when does this bad memory go and when will I remember all the so amazing fun times ... why am i so haunted by that day, that week. I don't want to think about it anymore and yet there it is, so fresh, so yesterday. Why does it have to hurt my heart.  Well, to make it better, the boys were still up when I got home, waiting for us. Put a smile on my face. and I am thinking, I can't go anywhere that puts me in a car for longer than 20 min... it makes my mind just wander where I don't want it to go. I feel like it brings me to a place, and frankly, I just don't like it there.  My middle baby is celebrating his 7th birthday tomorrow. We had a rock-climbing party with his classmates yesterday. it was fun to watch him. he has grown so much and yet he is a little snuggly love. Can't believe how big and fast time goes by. So, my family will come over and celebrate, with this gorgeous weather I am thinking BBQ and hang by the pool.  Thank God for my kids, they keep me so busy, I can't dwell too much. Sorry to sound like a downer, I am happy and blessed... I just miss her so much. I think I will call Italy now and talk to my aunt (moms sister) ... she makes me smile and sad in a good way, all at the same time. Hugs to all!