mixture of stuff

 Before I start this hodge podge journal entry - I just have to comment on the Haitian situation.  The devastation and destruction of what the people of that country are going through is so unbelievable - considering what these poor people have had to endure already.  Two years in a row about 5 and 6 years ago, my oldest son (while in high school) decided to raise money to help the Haitians. He was a part of a national Christian Youth group and one of the members in our town was on the board of an elementary school down there and his wife - a physician and volunteer.  My son asked if he could have a fundraiser here at our house to help this school. He is an organizer and passionate, kind young man.  We knew we had nothing to worry about, if he was running it.  He had a schedule of music bands assembled in our home - upstairs and down. He had a schedule all written up and sat at the door and collected $ or food items. He collected nearly $1000.00.  We had hundreds of very nice kids without any incidents and felt good that we could help.  Later, when he was in college he had the opportunity to volunteer in Haiti at the school and in the medical clinic that is set up once a month for the Haitians.  The people, dressed in their best, would wait for hours and hours for their turn, very patiently but unlike our fellow Americans who complain when the grocery line they're standing in........ is taking too long. Perspective. And we complain about health care - talk to my son about that. One woman had half of her body eaten away from cancer (that they obviously couldn't treat) and then there was the 3 year old little girl who had a hole in her heart.  They couldn't do anything either.  Very sad.  Yet - my son said that despite the sheer poverty of it all - the attitude and joy he saw - especially in the young children was simply amazing.  He said these people inspired him beyond belief. *Fortunately, since there is a local connection to the school my son helped out at, the was a recent article in the paper about this particular school and it reported that this school was not damaged.     J's knee is feeling a little better but said the pain moves. Strange.  Aside from being off of the pain meds, he's eased back on all the Advil he was taking, too.  Not sure if that was a good idea because it hurts more today but in a different spot.  Thankfully, he's seeing the doctor on Tuesday.  I do think it's RA. J's situation and T's has put a whole lot of stress on our marriage.  My husband and I have been at each other's throats for the last few days. I am just as annoyed with him as he is of me. Except when things were really bad with T, we've never had anything like this - before or since. I'm frustrated with him right now because he's hardly ever home in the evenings. He volunteers up to his eye balls at whatever group he decides to focus on at the moment, plays tennis and refs and is now president of the refs - more meetings. What added to my dismay was the fact that he's been out every night this week.... and then Friday he texted me to tell me he was meeting a friend out to exchange papers on the volunteer project he's working on. He said he thought I was still working and didn't want to bother me. It was 6:15PM when he did that - I find it hard to believe he thought I was working then. He never replied to my response anyway.  This has been typical of him throughout our marriage, gone a lot. Before he became involved in the community he was building his career and working late hours.  When the boys were little they  seldom saw him.  He'd leave for work in the AM before the boys got up and came home well after they were in bed. The boys would always ask me "When is dad coming home?".  Anyway,  I've been pretty patient with him on this over the years, but sometimes it really gets to me. Last year, when he received the "Citizen's of the Year" award - the presenter, at the ceremony, rattled on and on all the things my husband was involved in (T was new to recovery at the time).  As I sat there, my stomach became twisted in knots. Yes - the list the presenter gave of all the things my husband volunteered for over the years to the group only emphasized to me how much he wasn't around. And he thought he was being around for our boys as their soccer coach.  Not quite.  When he was around, however, he is/was wonderful to them and me. Except for this recent stress - we get along very well. I believe this volunteer position is too much. He knows better than to share his frustrations about it.  We have enough things going on without this. I know he likes being involved with things and I like it when he's happy but when it affects our relationship - it isn't a good thing.   *He also did volunteer work with me that I'd invite him to because I wanted him to be a part of me - my thing.  *NO - I do not under any circumstances think he's had or ever had an affair. Maybe with volunteering, but not with a person.  In addition to the worries over J,  I've been on his case about T - which has added to our anger.  I blame myself as much as him about T's situation. Although T seems to be sober - comes home to grab his guitar, watches basketball, apologizes, seems pretty much even tempered - I don't like him staying at his friends all the time.  He didn't come home again last night but texted me at 10 AM and apologized and said he didn't mean to show disrespect.  He never would have said that before usage. I responded to him and told him to prove it to us and to stop this behavior. He said he would.  Having said all that -  my husband and I both agreed we won't pull any punches until that school paper is finished. We are waiting for the teacher to notify him about whether any more corrections have to be made.  This is all he needs to do to receive his diploma.  He worked very hard on this paper and it's been years since we've seen this.  So - as soon as he gets this diploma - things are going to change around here.  Although I don't suspect usage - I am not 100% - just based on the fact he's not home a lot.  I know hubby and I will work this out because even though we've been at each other - we are communicating about the things that have been bothering us.  He said he'll work with me on T.  He says he agrees that we need to focus on him.  I suggested counseling to get us going and he was totally against it.  So - we'll see if we can do it ourselves and if not - I will insist on it.   On a positive note - Friday night we had our soccer game at 11PM.  We were exhausted but made ourselves go.  Glad we did - I scored the first goal and first assist. Not bad after not playing for over a month and usually not playing forward. Darn collarbone is acting up again though.  Guess I should focus on me.  I also don't want to hear I can't play........    

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It\'s really tough to be the \"single parent\"; married but alone! It is rare that someone is successful in a vacuum....citizen of the year happened because you gave him the space/support to pursue all of those activities.....Be good to yourself!!