Mixed Signals . . .
High Maintenance people will send mixed signals. One of the more boggling facets of “M” and I’s relationships was that there were tests from her. The problem was, you didn’t know, at any particular point in time that you were being tested. You didn’t know how you were being tested. You didn’t know why you were being tested. You didn’t know how you had scored. You might be out for dinner. You might be at your son’s track meet. You might be folding laundry. But at any given moment, without preamble or explanation there would come the announcement, “That was a test.” Well, that’s great to know. How did I score? What was the test? Do I get a certificate? Alas, nothing was ever explained. But considering the quickly eroding nature of the relationship, you could easily make an educated guess that if you were being tested, you had failed. And you would have to go to detention.
Mixed signals are tough to deal with. Because a Cluster B will tell you they want one thing, but the clear declaration of what they want will not be what they say it is. It may be a simple statement such as “I’d like for you to change the bed today.” So you do, only that isn’t what was expected at all. They may have actually expected you to wax the car. And now you are an idiot because you did not effectively anticipate their needs. They had sent you plenty of coded signals that you could divine by some mystic black art, but unfortunately, it was in a language that only they understand. It is one component of gaslighting. “See? You really are nuts. You knew I wanted you to wax the car, but you made the bed. You are 7 shades of messed up. You should know by now that when I say I want you to make the bed that the car needs waxed.” A person ruled by need and emotion continually acts off of that need and emotion. They know what they want, but no one else does, because what they want or need might change within the space of a few minutes. There is no logic involved in the process at all and other people will drive themselves crazy trying to make sense of the process when there is absolutely no sense to it. If I say to my wife, “I’d like to have tacos for dinner,” that means that I want to have tacos for dinner. She realizes that and doesn’t think that it might mean that I actually want to pet the cat. We can sometimes get momentarily sucked into this upside down word that has no logical rules and try and accommodate it, and that is a huge mistake.
If you are a logical person and you find yourself involved with someone who does or says things that don’t seem to make sense, that is probably because they don’t make sense, and it would be wise not to ignore that internal warning. Honest, healthy people say what they mean and mean what they say. Distressed people throw out tripe and expect everyone else to dance along to a tune only they can hear.
Mixed signals are tough to deal with. Because a Cluster B will tell you they want one thing, but the clear declaration of what they want will not be what they say it is. It may be a simple statement such as “I’d like for you to change the bed today.” So you do, only that isn’t what was expected at all. They may have actually expected you to wax the car. And now you are an idiot because you did not effectively anticipate their needs. They had sent you plenty of coded signals that you could divine by some mystic black art, but unfortunately, it was in a language that only they understand. It is one component of gaslighting. “See? You really are nuts. You knew I wanted you to wax the car, but you made the bed. You are 7 shades of messed up. You should know by now that when I say I want you to make the bed that the car needs waxed.” A person ruled by need and emotion continually acts off of that need and emotion. They know what they want, but no one else does, because what they want or need might change within the space of a few minutes. There is no logic involved in the process at all and other people will drive themselves crazy trying to make sense of the process when there is absolutely no sense to it. If I say to my wife, “I’d like to have tacos for dinner,” that means that I want to have tacos for dinner. She realizes that and doesn’t think that it might mean that I actually want to pet the cat. We can sometimes get momentarily sucked into this upside down word that has no logical rules and try and accommodate it, and that is a huge mistake.
If you are a logical person and you find yourself involved with someone who does or says things that don’t seem to make sense, that is probably because they don’t make sense, and it would be wise not to ignore that internal warning. Honest, healthy people say what they mean and mean what they say. Distressed people throw out tripe and expect everyone else to dance along to a tune only they can hear.
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