Mixed feelings
Mixed feelings - that is how I feel about Christmas. I feel joy for those who love the season and are celebrating. I wish I could be with my great grandbabies. I have come to terms with the fact that I will not be close to them as I was when Cevyn was a baby - they lived in Calgary for the first 4 years of her life.
But I ache to be celebrating with Lisa again. We spent every Christmas with her. When she moved to Ottawa she made us promise to go there for Christmas; and we did. I have probably mentioned this every year but they had their airline tickets bought in November 2009. They were booked to come on the 10th of December. It would have been their first Christmas back home since they moved. She died on the 1st. So it is a painful month.
I know I am not alone. Many of us lost our precious children around Christmas. In some ways it helps to know I am not alone. But then I feel bad for them. None of us should have to spend our Chrismases longing for our babies.
I do decorate and entertain a bit now. It took a few years before I could pull out the decorations. Being the sentimental sap that I am, I have decorations that were gifted to us through the year. I even have a paper ornament - a bell, that was on the first Christmas tree my parents had when my brother was a baby. So it is over 80 years old!
We didn't haul out the tree. It is getting old and decrepit. I did put up some decorations though.
We had friends over last evening. I spent all day cooking. We had a lovely time. I have to admit that the egg nog I made was decadent and we all enjoyed dinner. I had a dozen egg whites leftover from the eggnog recipe so I made Pavlova. It was a hit. You can't go wrong with strawberries and whipped cream (real whipped cream)!
We will be spending Christmas at home. Andrew and Tiina are spending Christmas with Tiina's family. I am actually relieved - I don't have to put on the happy face. We will go there some time before New Years. We really don't have any Christmas traditions any more so every year is a bit different.
Wishing all a Merry Christmas and all the best in 2018!
Lisa: I know you have been around a lot lately. You help me get through each day. You even sent a grey vw beetly convertible past Michelle and I the other day. I hear you chirping almost every time a go walking - nobody seems to hear it but me. It breaks my heart that you aren't here to see the delight on you grandbabies on Christmas morning. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
Hav'nt been on DS in quite awhile. It is nice to read journals and catch up with my soth. I still do not enjoy the holidays. Without any family in the state where I live, it is just lonely.
I am glad you are feeling like putting up a few decorations this year. The paper ornament sounds so special.I have not decorated at all.
I will be driving to Little Elm, Texas on Thursday, to spend Christmas with my step daughjter and her family. My daughter Angie will be flying in Thursday night. At least I wont be alone...
Merry Christmas, to you and your family, from Mississippi
(((((Tightest of hugs)))
PS: Would love some eggnog!
Marlene, you are doing the best you can so that is good as we all are. I too had a paper ornament from my Mom. Its an angel. How can we continue in this heartache. Not sure but knowing we are in it together helps. Sending you some peace today. Hug, Kathy
I think especially at this time of year we all just need to do what we feel like doing and what helps us get through the holidays. Our Christmases look totally different too. This is our 4th without David. We are taking a trip this year to CO. My girls want a white Christmas. Keeping our fingers crossed.
Your Pavlova sounds marvelous. Real whipped cream makes everything yummy.
I am glad Lisa is making her presence known. Hugs, Paula
Hearing your heart dearest Marlene. Yes, December can be such a challenging month and for those with the most tender of days in the midst an added heartache indeed.
Each year is different for us as to what our day might look like so we try to just go with the flow which feels the easiest to do.
Loving care my friend and I thought of you the other day as there is a bird that comes each later afternoon around 5:30 to roost at our daughter's house. It has come for weeks now and stays the night and then is off. I know how birds are such a connection to you with your Lisa so I wanted to be sure to share.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart to Lisa's mum from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
You are doing the best you can, with a shattered heart. This is so sad, but unfortunately it is our new normal. If only people could see our broken hearts, instead of our masked faces, they would probably have some compassion with us.
Warm hugs to you, dearest Marlene. xxx
Hugs to you, dear Marlene! My son, his fiancé and my granddaughter live with her mother so I kind of know the feeling. Judy (Shannnon's mom and the other grandmother) sent me a picture of their tree the other day and said that Ellie was so excited and that she wished I could have been there to see it. Well, I wish I could have been there too LOL. However, I am extremely grateful that Judy lets the family live there until they can save to get their own home. Just don't rub it in HAHA. I will go down on Friday and stay until after Christmas, so I have much to be thankful for and will get to see Ellie open her gifts. And I love Judy and she welcomes me whenever I want to come, in fact, she loves me being there. So all is well. I love you and hope to see you at retreat next year.
Hugs to you Marlene. I guess This is the way it is now. I am so thankful for being included when my daughter in law does include us. I was talking to someone today on how Christmas used to be and now the way it is. Love to you and Lisa from Jeff and Nell.
Hugs... Sometimes its hard to talk isn't it... the hurting is like a weight on our chest so much its hard to breathe... I especially find it hard to talk about Christmas... I'm ashamed... Christmas is supposed to celebrate the birth of Christ... Shamefully I know it was so much more about celebrating our family... gifts yes but they weren't that important... as parents often do we didn't buy for each other... and I am and was fine with it... but the family... the gathering... the meal... that was our gift... and we just don't have that any more.... I wish I was saying something to make you feel good... so sorry for dumping... I do hope it will help to know you were heard... and you are not alone... I think perhaps we all need a good bit of egg nog... since I'm diabetic and need to watch the sugars... cut everything out but the brandy... *S* Truly grateful for your friendship. Hugs Elissa and Richard.
Mixed emotions....yep, for sure. I don't keep any traditions, save one. My bff and I exchange the same gift every year....we pass it back and forth...it's our forever gift. The last one left on earth will then keep it forever.
It sounds like you're doing things the way that works for you and that is what counts!! I've never had "real" eggnog, only the store bought stuff. I'd sure like to have tasted some of yours!!
And although we know our children ARE, holidays are still a hard time for our hearts. I'm sending you lots of love energy and wishes for a very Merry Christmas.
Tight hugs to you and Lisa from me and Kala!
Marlene, the holidays sure are different now. There is such a void....
I'm sure the eggnog and Pavlova was delicious. So good to have friends and have some laughs together.
May Christmas be as gentle as possible. Much love to you and dearest Lisa. Linda
Marlene, I wish you a Christmas filled with peace and sweet memories. Remembering our Christmases with our children,.. is very much happy times shared with our beloved ones. How we long to experience that again. I love how you share your thoughts and feelings with us of Lisa. Gentlest of hugs from me to you. /Debbie, loving, missing and sharing our kids from this side. Christmas blessings. . .
Marlene, Christmas has changed around here also. If the twins did not do the decorating I would just put up the small fiber optic tree on the table and call it a day. They want the big tree and all the fun, so they decorate. This year they can take it down also. I don't want to deal with it.
Sending my love Penny Mikes mom