mixed feelings

i get very sad this time of year. overwhelmed more like it. havent started shopping. very little money. havent decorated. really need pull head out of ass and do it. working straight through to xmas. was hoping for bonus at work but didnt happen now already behind. it causes me huge stress when cant provide for my family. finally deleted x number from my phone. it still hurts. why do i care if she is seeing someone. maybe cause i love her and she wasnt honest with me. im with someone so why should i care. i want to freak out on her but why waste my time. she has no clue and doesnt care what she did to me. the point that i let myself to was very very scary. ugh live and learn. thankful for what i have. love my kids they are amazing just wiped out emotionally.