mixed feelings
i get very sad this time of year. overwhelmed more like it. havent started shopping. very little money. havent decorated. really need pull head out of ass and do it. working straight through to xmas. was hoping for bonus at work but didnt happen now already behind. it causes me huge stress when cant provide for my family. finally deleted x number from my phone. it still hurts. why do i care if she is seeing someone. maybe cause i love her and she wasnt honest with me. im with someone so why should i care. i want to freak out on her but why waste my time. she has no clue and doesnt care what she did to me. the point that i let myself to was very very scary. ugh live and learn. thankful for what i have. love my kids they are amazing just wiped out emotionally.
Replies
you have made some very positive changes, and are there for your kids and a good mom, your a good friend to your friends and a good advisor in group posts, expressive in journals,,, please try to give some credit to yourself,,,,,,~~
now to look at the holiday issues, if only u knew how many times a day i hear those exact words from so many ppl, whether directly to me or overhear them talking in the store, so please know u r not alone at all in your feelings~ and im not in anyway making little of your feelings,,, they are yours and validated, but, you r one person, one woman, and u can only do so much and cant preform miracles as much as youd like,,,, a lesson i had to learn myself over the yrs, christmas has become a time of stress, of a loss of what really matters which would be time w friends, family, even just that special someone,,,, the way society has takin a special day and made it into a commercialized day in which the holiday is now centered around money is a shame,,,~
when u get up christmas it will be having done the best u could do, (however little it is) when the day ends it will end w a sort of peaceful sigh of relief that its over, yes? if u dont have the means to get the kids something right now, or not what ud like, and w their ages being what they r, maybe u could say that youd like to spend a special day w them come tax time and when u get ur taxes back make a day for u and them where u have set aside money to get each of them something special?
your a loving caring sensitive mom........ you are what the season is about,, or should be about,,, which is feelings, and embracing others unconditionally, money is nice,, does it truly buy happiness? sometimes we underestimate kids and think they wouldnt understand,,, or compromise, i wish u the best and am proud of the steps u have made to take care of urself and grow emotionally since i have been in DS,,, blessigs, KD