missing you Mommy!

Last night was realily hard, I can't help but thinking how much i could really use a hug from you, I was sitting on the floor in the laundry room folding  clothes and I was thinking when the last time I had a really good hug, and the tears started and just wouldn't stop. I know that you were trying to hug me, I could feel you, but ma, the real thing would probably work wonders for me. I miss you with my heart, that pain in my chest has been here and I can't stop thinking about you and that last week with you......there was the "light the night" luncheon with all these survivors and I am so happy to see that some people get thru lymphoma, I just wish you could have been there to tell your story, instead its sharing the most unbearable loss that I have ever had to go thru, its so hard.I am sorry I am not strong like you mommy, I am trying, I can hear you telling me  "stop crying cricket, I am here, please stop"... I know how much you hated to see me cry... I am hoping today will be better. I love you and miss you with all my heart! ti amo Mamma, ti voglio tanto bene!  Mark put the kids to sleep last night, and I just layed in bed, thinking of you and watching tbo til I fell asleep... not such a great sleep, there were thunderstorms all night and into the morning, and it is still hot and humid. Thank God for a/c... I think I will take the kids to see a movie today. , maybe.  I have missed my DS friends, I was down at the beach for 2 weeks with no computer... sometimes that could be a good thing. I missed it !! I had my kids on the beach almost everyday, we went to a water park one day, boardwalk a few days, spent a day on my friends boat, a day at the bay..... it was relaxing. Had a few days where I had a few meltdowns thinking how me and mom used to do our little shopping, share an icecream.... read our corny no brainer books..... Well, I am back now, at least for 3 weeks and then I will head back to the beach for the last few weeks of August before school starts for the kids.  Have a great rest of the week! xoxo!