Missing Sophia

Today is horrible. I miss my daughter, I'm so tired of happy christmas songs and movies and everywhere i look i see babies. Sophia was my first and only, born September 17th 2010. I went in for my regular checkup and my doctor couldn't findĀ a heartbeat. I thought she had just been sleeping... i don't know what to say. i kno i felt my heart and dreams shattering... i just went numb. Everyone watching the worst day of my life... not having a second alone with her to say goodbye because no one would go away. Hearing my boyfriend sobbing for what seemed like hours. I left that same night she was born. The next day my friend had her baby girl in the room next to the one i was in the night before. I don't know what to do with myself today but I'm glad i found this place because no one else understands what i'm going through. they tell me "don't think about it", or "you'll have more kids". My sister is actually pressuring me to get pregnant again and telling me to trick my boyfriend into getting me pregnant. I feel crazy 'cause i can't move on when everyone else already has... and my boyfriend won't even say her name or even acknowledge that anything happened unless he's asking me when the bill for the funeral home is due. I'm just trapped by this memory and all the baby things we locked in her nursery that i can't get rid of but other people keep messing with it all and it makes me crazy. I'm still waiting for her to come home... but she never will. It hurts so much to say that.