Missing my love
Everyday the pain get deeper and deeper. Coming home to an enty house and not hearing his music and him singing away is so hard and painful. Walking in through the door and wanting to see him and realizing that he is no longer there is the most cruel and painful thing that can happen to anyone. I miss him everyday and wonder how long can I continue this life without him. How do I keep moving? How do I keep smiling? How do I pretend that everything is okey when I am dying inside? Why did this happen? We had plans and now what do I do with them? I feel all alone eventhough my kids are around me. At night I long for that hug, kiss and warmth of his body beside me. I look at his side of the bed and see emptiness and the tears start flowing. This is too much for anyone to bear. I look around the house and everything reminds me of him yet I cannot move anything around because I feel like it is like trying to forget him. His glasses are still by the computer like he left it. His cooking books are still where he left them. I hug his sweater at night to feel his comfort and smell. Can someone tell me how do we get over this huge pain and hole that keeps getting bigger everyday. Why did this have to happen? What is the purpose of death? How long do we have to wait before we see our love ones again? God I ask that you inspire me and show me why did this happen? Death is cruel to the ones left behind and I wonder if our love ones miss us like we do. I want to hug my husband at least for one last time and tell him that I love him and that I miss him. Why do good people die? Why do criminals, drug dealers, child molestors keep living while our love ones go? Why God? I am so hurt that I just want answers so that I understand why my husband had to die? Why did you choose him God? I think that I am going crazy with this pain. Everyday is a battle for me. I am tired and I miss him so much. He was my strenght and reason for me to survive. He was my everything. God please give me the strenght to continue this life. I miss him and I want him to know it.
Replies
Hi Linda. I was just thinking last night as I was driving aimlessly home from work that if God has chosen our loved ones, then hopefully, I\'ll see Marti in a dream or just hear her voice saying, \" Honey I\'m OK, it\'s awesome here. I\'m with mom and dad and your mom and I can\'t wait for you go get here. Don\'t be afraid, don\'t cry, heaven is exactly what they said it would be and I\'m watching over you until you\'re ready.\"
I\'m always gonna hold out hope that that conversation will take place. Be strong and smile when you think of him. kip.
Be kind to yourself and let yourself rest, as painful as it is what your going through is normal for dealing with the separation. You will be okay. I care. Sharon
Linda. . .it is such a difficult thing to have our hearts ripped out like this. Try to think that he would not want you to suffer like this. He would want you to be at peace. Try to rest and be good to yourself. He knows that you love him and miss him. He will always be with you deep in your heart and soul. Shirley
Most of us have felt the same pain....only time helps...it doesn\'t make it go away, but it helps you except they are not coming back..I don\'t have answers for you...I wish I did...You are normal...I know I have hurt the same way..Love and hugs..Glenda
Linda, there is no answer to \"why.\" The pain doesn\'t go away; we just get used to it. I hate coming home to an empty house too. No music, no greeting. Nothing but the quiet realization that he is not there.
You don\'t have to move anything until and unless you want to. I felt and feel the same. It would be like pretending he didnot exist in this world, in our life.
Be gentle with yourself, and be sad. It is natural. I wish I could tell you one day it stops, or gets better. I think most will tell you what I am finding: we just get used to this new upside down world.
hugs and love, susan