Missing my Happily Ever After

It has been a rough day.  It started out with email notifications from the executives at work announcing layoffs.  Then I went to Facebook to get someone's email address to send an order form to and I started noticing pictures of my friends with their spouses and I thought to myself, "He stole my happily ever after and now I can't get it back!"  It is just so shocking that someone as faithful and true as I has to face this world alone.  I am crying and so sad...it has been awhile (days) since I had a big cry day but I think today is the day.  Sometimes the thought races across my mind that if I didn't have kids, I could just fall apart and wouldn't have to push on.  That thought is quickly replaced with the thought of how lucky I am to have my wonderful kiddos and right behind that thought is the feeling of guilt for even thinking about not having my kiddos.  I am just so very tired....not sleepy, just TIRED.  I would do almost anything to escape this pain, but alas, nothing makes that possible.  Maybe I should go to Colorado and light up a big fat joint!  I have never been stoned and I don't even know if pot numbs heartaches, but it is food for thought.  Actually if I did try it, I would not smoke it because I am not fond of the smell of cigarettes or pot smoke.  I do love chocolate, so perhaps I would try a special brownie.  Joking about smoking pot is actually making me laugh and my tears are drying up.  I guess I use humor as a coping mechanism.  So go ahead a post your happy little photo of your happy little family on a happy little white sand beach with happy little hearts drawn in the sand and I will take a puff of the whacky weed in your honor.  There I go again with the humor.  It is drying my tears. There is an after work get together this evening for people I used to work with in my previous position.   I am going to try to get it together by then and go.  There is no doubt I could use a distraction and some companionship.