Missing my first born
To My first child born 10.16.1993
Tonight I watched the newest Harry Potter movie just released. I remember standing in book store lines at midnight with your siblings, just to get the newest installment of Harry Potter books. I remember sewing your wizard costumes with your favorite colors and prints. I remember your sweet face from the moment you were born, with those deep blue eyes older than time itself. And that seriously infectious laugh. I remember how you could pick the Haley comet out of the sky faster than anyone, how we bought a picture someone had taken of it and put in your room. I remember lying outside on the grass in the middle of the night, looking at the moon and naming the constellations, and I wonder if you know that every night I look at the sky and wonder if you are looking at it too, and if you know that even though I haven't been able to hold you or see your face and hear your voice in over 4 years, you are always with me. Always. I love you Joshua Philip Ethanlas Jade Ellis Weintraub. I love you know matter what you change your name to, or if you change your gender to what is comfortable for you. All that has ever mattered to me is that you were given the best opportunities to be happy, safe, loved, protected, to grow to the best person you can possible be. You are one of athe biggest parts of my life, and always will be. I love you so much. I always have and always will. I will never forget all the beauty we shared in your 12 years with me. The comic strip you wrote and drew for the church in Knoxville, how you loved every animal and insect we ever had, how you could draw and paint the most beautiful creations. How smart and wise beyond your years you were. You will always be my baby. I miss you so bad sometimes I feel like my heart will never heal without you. But I want you to go on, create a good life be the best you that you can. So I will do the same in respect to you. And pray for the day I see you again. Your mom.
Tonight I watched the newest Harry Potter movie just released. I remember standing in book store lines at midnight with your siblings, just to get the newest installment of Harry Potter books. I remember sewing your wizard costumes with your favorite colors and prints. I remember your sweet face from the moment you were born, with those deep blue eyes older than time itself. And that seriously infectious laugh. I remember how you could pick the Haley comet out of the sky faster than anyone, how we bought a picture someone had taken of it and put in your room. I remember lying outside on the grass in the middle of the night, looking at the moon and naming the constellations, and I wonder if you know that every night I look at the sky and wonder if you are looking at it too, and if you know that even though I haven't been able to hold you or see your face and hear your voice in over 4 years, you are always with me. Always. I love you Joshua Philip Ethanlas Jade Ellis Weintraub. I love you know matter what you change your name to, or if you change your gender to what is comfortable for you. All that has ever mattered to me is that you were given the best opportunities to be happy, safe, loved, protected, to grow to the best person you can possible be. You are one of athe biggest parts of my life, and always will be. I love you so much. I always have and always will. I will never forget all the beauty we shared in your 12 years with me. The comic strip you wrote and drew for the church in Knoxville, how you loved every animal and insect we ever had, how you could draw and paint the most beautiful creations. How smart and wise beyond your years you were. You will always be my baby. I miss you so bad sometimes I feel like my heart will never heal without you. But I want you to go on, create a good life be the best you that you can. So I will do the same in respect to you. And pray for the day I see you again. Your mom.
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