Missing my DS friends

My dear DS friends, I miss you all so much.  I haven't been receiving email alerts when you post new journal entries or send PM messages...so it is hard for me to try and keep up with everyone...for I know many of you are suffering and I feel bad for not being a good friend and being able to be there for you.  Please forgive me.  Hopefull the email alerts will resume soon so that I can better keep up to date with each of you. In terms of my life, well it has had its up's and down's.  My Monday night class is boring and not what I had hoped.  The good thing is that my mentor is in the class...so I can keep in touch with him.  He's really the only person I have in my life who I can get career advice from (plus he's a family man as well as religious...so he helps me keep my career aspirations in check with my family and faith priorities).  Please know that although I may not be receiving/responding to your journale entries...all of you are in my prayers. I enjoy the RCIA session and hope to find out who I will be sponsoring.  I am really going through some "spiritual starvation" because I don't have anyone to pray with these days...and I so love praying with others.  So RCIA give me a litttle time to pray with others.  I gain so much strength when I can share my faith with others and they can share their faith with me. My bi-weekly prayer group is going well.  I wished we could meet weekly.  Also, because of teh way the session is designed, there is no two-way dialog.  SO I often find it frustrating when I would like to engage in a discussion with someone who said somethign and can't.   However, I'm just thankful to have these folks to pray with...and know that they are praying for me. Wednesday will be my 20th wedding anniversary and this will be the first year where we will NOT be repeating our wedding vows.  Yes, our marriage is in that bad of shape.  The sad thing is that it takes two to make a relationshp work and my wife refuses to discuss any of our marriage problems.  Basically, she has everything she wants/needs on life right now...and I'm not on her list.  So Wednesday will be a sad day. I continue to see a therapist about my social loneliness.  He's a great guy and I've enjoyed our discussions.  However, I think the sessions will probably be ending soon for, at this point I am basically just repeating myself over and over and he doesn't have much to add.  I enjoy the sessions because it gives me an hour to talk to someone and ease my loneliness.  However, that's not the ultimate purpose of these sessions...plus they are expensive.  In our discussions, I think I know everything I need to do to try and "cure" my loneliness.  The problem is that many of these things I have done my whole life...to no avail.  So we'll see how that goes. I'm teaching religious ed on Sunday and that has been fun.  I am basically a substitute...filling in for whoever may be gone.  Two weeks ago I taught the kindergartener's and this week I taught the fourth graders.  I love the teaching, but find substitution less rewarding because the kids are not my class...and I just walk in and pick up the next lesson...with no real opportunity to bond with teh kids and see them through the entire curriculum. Today was kind a sad day for I had a couple of occurences that reminded my of the sadness I experienced this summer when many of you helped me think through and then deciding to give up my coaching position.  First, I was contacted by a person who wanted to know if I wanted to still be the trournament director next February.  However, I had to decline since I resigned and am no longer apart of the program.  Then, later in the day I was contacted by a mom who has a visually imparied son and who wanted someone to come to his elementary school to have a  demo of the sport.  These are the opporunities I always lived for for I loved promotig our sport to the young kids...hoping that they may play for our adult teams someday.  However, I don't have access to the equipment nor teh authority to do such sessions anymore after my resignation. On the good side, the Red Sox are in the playoffs...and whever the Red Sox win, life is good!  My kids are doing great too.  I just love them so much and am so blessed to have them. I pray that all of you are well..or as well as can be.  Again, please accepted my apologies for not being so responsive with your journale ntries and needs.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

hun i understand how it feels in a difficult marriage, hurts so much. Its so sad that she does not even want to try to sort anything out, i pray that you get thru Wednesday without too much pain. Try to keep busy on that day John, help to stop you thinking bout it all too much.
I wish your therapist was still more helpful but its true you cant keep paying all that money if your not getting anything more out from the sessions.
Sometimes its worthwhile changing therapists hun, new person sometimes has new ideas that might help you.
Im sorry you experience loneliness too, its not easy to feel with a world full of so many people that we feel alone. You have alot going on, your doing so many new things, its hard to believe someone as wonderful and giving as you are, is lonely.
Please dont ever feel alone here, alot of us here are true friends who really appreciate your friendship and we really care about you. I pray you have better days soon, god bless, Nikki xx
deleted_user
deleted_user

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. I know about the loneliness. You sound like you are finding ways to help combat it by at least being involved in various areas of your church. Does your church have the Stephen Ministries? I think you would be great doing something like that. I am sorry about your marriage. Maybe you two could go to a type of counseling? I will pay for you both. God Bless you. Teresa