Missing my Birth- "partner"

Exactly 34 years ago, I bathed my two boys and read them a story and put them to bed. Then I went to my room and pulled all of the sheets, blankets and carefully chosen clothes for my new baby out of the bassinet that I had gotten ready for him or her. I put new clean linens on the bassinet, and selected new clean clothes. Then, I went over to my bed and went to sleep. At 11:15, I awoke to a loud pop! I thought it was my husband coming in the door. When I rolled over, I realized that it was my water breaking. it was a home birth, so I through a towel between my legs and ran next door to make the call to the midwife.
My precious boy was born around noon the next day. It was an overcast dreary day until noon..when his head birthed, the sun came out simultaneously. Today is Patrick's birthday..when he left this earth, my world once again was overcast and dreary. I am struggling to see the sun.