Missing Justin
Finding myself today being very sad I just can't hardly stand it that Justin is gone.God I miss his face ,phone calls ,smiles and all the I love you Mom's.I know this feeling of grief will never go away.He was not only my son but my best friend I could always count on him to bring a smile to my face.All I have is memories, good memories.We all feel the same that sick feeling in your gut and the big hole in our hearts.Sometimes I wonder why me?I'm not a strong person I'm a very nervous and stressful person.I don't know how I've came this far I guess God has a plan.If only I knew the reason.Almost 15 months since my baby has died just saying those words bring tears to my eyes he was a kind hearted person always polite and so so funny.I wish I knew how to mend my broken heart?I guess I keep going for my daughters they give me the strengh to go on. Did some errands today was good getting out.Went by cematary today Just looking at his name on the headstone just takes all the energy from me.Still trying to get moved in haven't hung any pictures we will try this weekend.We need to start on basement but I'm not done putting old english on the trim boards and paneling up stairs I guess I will get it done some time in the near furture.My sister called (Evelyn) they did a cat scan on her and found a 3 inch cenimeter mass behind her stmo.She had colon caner five years ago they had to take out her colon and her rectum they left enough of her colon to have her stmo.Please keep her in your prayers If it is cancer I'm not sure what procedure they will do.God Bless her she's been through so much.I just hope everything turns out good. I want to thank everyone who answers comments on my journels,hugs and messages can't seem to answer back to all of them I'm so thankful for all of you.You all keep my head above water.Also thanks for being so kind if it wasn't for DS I don't know where I would be onow.Love to all.jfm24,Vicki
Replies
i sure know how ur feeling...i feel the same!!
hugging u real tight...walking beside you...luv ya...also praying for ur sister
I still can\'t say the words. It is a never ending nightmare. Sorry, about your sister. You & your family will be in my prayers.
Hugs & Love
Oh Vicki, when I started reading your first paragraph it was my feelings exactly. As a matter of fact, I was having a crying day yesterday at work (see my journal from yesterday), and I was telling my co-worker that Justin was not just my son, he was my best friend. That\'s not a coincidence that we were both thinking that yesterday ... maybe that\'s our J\'s sending us signs.(SMILE)!
Yes, it is still hard for me to say the D word, also. Matter of fact, I don\'t say it. I\'m so sorry about your sister. It just never ends, does it. I will be thinking of you and she both and saying a prayer. Sounds like you\'ve been busy ... sometimes that\'s the best thing to do .... yes, I know about being sore and outa shape !!
Love ya,
Kelly
It is amazing how many of our feelings and emotions are the same. All of us are different...but yet when it comes to the loss of our child...we could be the same person. I struggle with the same things you are struggling with...it is just so darn hard! I want to feel better...I want to be healed...i am thinking that we will just learn to live with pain. Love to you and a big ole hug...Karen