Missing Jennifer
Good Morning - Today is Friday and the end of a very long work week. Tomorrow I will be traveling to see my grandson, Hunter, my daughter's son. I am so looking forward to spending time with him but at the same time, he reminds me so much of his mom and I pray that my emotions will be manageable. I want to be so supportive of him and be this wonderful grandmother but reality is I'm so sad and hurting that it is hard for me to support anyone right now but I love him so much and I will try with Gods strength.
I am missing Jennifer so much this morning. I woke up early, looking at pictures and reflecting. It's like it's addicting wanting to "feel" her. I listened to Cheryl Salem last night on "overcoming grief". Cheryl has lost a daughter and she talked about that is part of her past - she is now looking at her future because she will see her daughter again in heaven. To let go of the past doesn't mean we don't have that memory but it does mean that we don't get stuck there for many years. I do believe my daughter is in heaven waiting for me and what a joyful reunion that will be----so for today this moment I am going to look to the future and believe that God will get me through the present, catch my tears as they fall, comfort me as I grieve, and love me during the process.
Thank you SOTH !! It is so comforting to be able to share my feelings knowing you all understand. Much love to and my hope is that we all can find something to be thankful for and smile because of it!
(((Hugs)))
I am missing Jennifer so much this morning. I woke up early, looking at pictures and reflecting. It's like it's addicting wanting to "feel" her. I listened to Cheryl Salem last night on "overcoming grief". Cheryl has lost a daughter and she talked about that is part of her past - she is now looking at her future because she will see her daughter again in heaven. To let go of the past doesn't mean we don't have that memory but it does mean that we don't get stuck there for many years. I do believe my daughter is in heaven waiting for me and what a joyful reunion that will be----so for today this moment I am going to look to the future and believe that God will get me through the present, catch my tears as they fall, comfort me as I grieve, and love me during the process.
Thank you SOTH !! It is so comforting to be able to share my feelings knowing you all understand. Much love to and my hope is that we all can find something to be thankful for and smile because of it!
(((Hugs)))
Replies
Oh my dear. I can relate to the feelings of despair and longing. It is just so devastating.
Enjoy the time with your grandson. If you do shed a tear, tell him that grandma is sad but loves him very very much. I broke down almost every time I talked to my granddaughter. The one thing I have learned is that the tears come when they want to, not on my schedule. I just go with the flow. After 4 years, I mostly live in the moment. Lisa is still very much part of my life. I write her letters and tell her exactly how I am feeling and what I am doing (we talked on the phone daily - she lived on the other side of the country). So it helps despite the fact that the communication is one way.
Of course you miss Jennifer and you always will. I know the pain of not being able to hear her, hug her, laugh with her.. I have ranted and raved \"I don\'t care that I am going to see her again, she\'s in a better place etc etc. I want her here NOW! The best place for her is here with her family\". I guess I still feel that way. As the old saying goes, a child should not die before her parents.
Life after loss is a bit like being on the ocean in a dinghy - ups and downs and no idea what is next. Just know that you are not alone in the dinghy.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
The intense missing & wanting so much to feel our child....we understand those feelings only as moms who have also experienced such loss. You are so right that the memories can still be precious to us without getting stuck in the past. We will have tears, grief & the need for comfort & love. As you look to our Heavenly Father to provide what you need & get you through, you will be in good hands. Also coming here to be among moms who can relate to what you are going through on a heart level as we all continue to look for things to be thankful for & to smile again. Hugs of understanding dear friend....Vicki
I,am so sorry for your loss of your daughter. I lost my daughter to. and I would do the same thing look at videos of her talking smiling frozen in time I say. Her pictures I look at them and still cry. she passed in 2003 , 81 days days to die in hospital But I know we will also meet again.It is so nice you can see Hunter your daughters daughter and your grand daughter. That is part of your daughter forever. My daughter could not have kids. Well I hope you have a wonderful week end, Bless your special angel. big hugs and love mary ann
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Though my grief has most definitely evolved these past 7 years, I simply miss my child SO very much. Much more now than ever before. It\'s not the kind of missing that prevents me from living a full life, it\'s more the kind of missing that goes with me into all life events.
I\'m sending tight heart hugs~~
Feeling your grief and sorrow is what allows your heart and BE-ing to heal. Let those tears flow if you need to as it shows a vulnerability that one can be however they need to be and it\'s all okay and as it needs to be for that moment. I have cried many tears in front of my grandchildren (they are not my son\'s) yet they know that their Mimi\'s heart misses her son and they long for their uncle. Children know our hearts and there is no \"fooling\" them anyway. I have often thought I was doing \"ok\" only to have my almost six year old ask about how I was feeling? Talk about walking around wearing my insides on my outside. X ray vision these children all seem to be gifted with.
Prayerful and hopeful that your time with Hunter ( I just love that name) is as healing as it can BE.
The longing and missing is part of the fabric of this new life and it\'s always present, isn\'t it? Our children are forever tucked safely in our hearts and I believe know our hearts in ways that are truly unimaginable.
Gentle care to you as you make your way through your days and isn\'t this community truly such a GIFT!
Heart to heart and Hand in hand,
XO Joanie
The missing part will never go away....we just all have learned different was of coping. It takes a long time - the rest of our lives - to figure out how and it is always changing. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Give Hunter a huge hug because I am sure he is hurting too. You can never talk too much about Jennifer and I am sure Hunter would love to hear/talk about his mom too. Hugs, Ann
Yes...not a moment that goes by that I do not grieve my child.
(Make sure you check back on older journals...some people re-read them add add things later...I always later find something that I did not remember reading or needed to read again)
enjoy your time with Hunter,,, the missing will be with you always love ya!
I will always miss Alex, but things change along the way. Sometimes I think we learn how to incorporate our loss into our lives. I have said we need to feel what we feel and if that involves shed a few tears in front of Hunter it is okay. Love and gentle hugs..Karen
I hope your time with Hunter brings some peace to your heart. I have a 16 yr. old grandson, named Hunter too. That has become such a popular name. Be gentle with yourself and try to live one day at a time....
(((HUGS)))...Julia