Missing him

It's one of those days where I'm really missing my husband.  I'm working too much.  Most of the time it's 11 hour days, so there's no chance to socialize or make new friends.  I work, I eat, I sleep.  That's about it.  And at work, I'm hardly making money so the sacrifice is for nothing.  I don't even have time for the bird.  On my days off, I visit my father, an increasingly bitter old man.  Life's tough and I've got no one to talk to now.  Dad's chased everyone away, so I'm the only one he's got left.  He's an only child too, so I've got to do everything now.  He's fine physically, but his life is catching up with him.  He's an emotional wreck and he's draging me down with him.
In nursing school I studied the stages of aging.  Dad's in the one where you feel guilty about the past but there's nothing you can do about it.  This manifest itself as bitterness.  Seeing him makes me see my own future if I'm not careful.  He lived a selfish life, now he's paying.  The bible says that you reap what you sow.  He's reaping big time, but I'm sitting right besides him reaping what he sowed too.  Doesn't seem fair.  Why in hell did my mother marry him?  Why did she stay?  Why am I stuck with him?  Why do I still love him?  Why am I still there?  These are the questions that plauge me.
Dad lived a selfish life.  And I can't be selfish.  Not in my makeup.  Seems strange that I can have a father so different from me.  Most kids would have left him by now.  Most wouldn't put up with the years of emotional abuse.  I've turned the other cheek so much my head is spinning.  I've moved out of his house, but my fantasy is to just walk away the way the rest of the family has done.  I'll never do it, but for a moment it feels good to think about it.  I won't do it because Jesus wouldn't do it.
My mood is dropping by the second.