Missing You
Hi Sweetheart. Today is sunday and I woke up thinking about how much I miss you.
One of those days I didn't want to get out of bed but mara had to be let out and fed. Took her for a long walk today but she still seems restless and walks around sniffing things. I can feel that she misses you too and is trying to sense your presence. I hope you're safe and happy wherever you may be, but I miss you walking around in your pajamas and having you eat breakfast with me. I miss your smile in the morning and don't know how I'll go on without you.
Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since you left us and I don't want you to be gone but I can't undo it and although I have more moments when I can function because I have to, it still feels like I'm drowning in grief most of the time. You used to tell me how strong I was but I was only strong for you and with you. You gave my life meaning. Without you I feel like an empty shell and don't want to be anywhere because wherever I was you were with me. Now I sit here typing and I let the tears flow because I couldn't sop them if I wanted to.
Your urn is still at the funeral home. We're planning on burying you next to your mom as you wanted but that's another day I'm dreading. It will be the first week in April and I hope I can be strong for the ceremony but I'm not making any promises.
I hope you know I love you with all my heart and miss you more than I can say.
Love you always,
Mike
One of those days I didn't want to get out of bed but mara had to be let out and fed. Took her for a long walk today but she still seems restless and walks around sniffing things. I can feel that she misses you too and is trying to sense your presence. I hope you're safe and happy wherever you may be, but I miss you walking around in your pajamas and having you eat breakfast with me. I miss your smile in the morning and don't know how I'll go on without you.
Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since you left us and I don't want you to be gone but I can't undo it and although I have more moments when I can function because I have to, it still feels like I'm drowning in grief most of the time. You used to tell me how strong I was but I was only strong for you and with you. You gave my life meaning. Without you I feel like an empty shell and don't want to be anywhere because wherever I was you were with me. Now I sit here typing and I let the tears flow because I couldn't sop them if I wanted to.
Your urn is still at the funeral home. We're planning on burying you next to your mom as you wanted but that's another day I'm dreading. It will be the first week in April and I hope I can be strong for the ceremony but I'm not making any promises.
I hope you know I love you with all my heart and miss you more than I can say.
Love you always,
Mike
Replies
Dear Mike,
Your pain and the ache in your heart makes my heart hurt for you. We here all know how you feel - we truly \"get it\" - we\'ve been where you are. Your loss is so new, so recent and I am so very sorry. I remember being at 4 weeks and just knowing that the pain inside would never subside, the crying would never cease, there would never be light in my world again.
My wonderful husband passed away on May 4, 2010 unexpectedly in his sleep and the world as I knew it stopped that day. I am moving through the pain, as we all learn to do - and believe me, you will too. DS has been a lifeline for me and I only hope that it will be for you too. I hope that you will find the support, comfort and understanding from people who are on the same journey.
Be good to yourself - take care of yourself and just take one baby step at a time. That\'s all we can do right now.
Sending you a hug,
Chris
Mike...the first month is so very difficult ..so many things to do and so much pain. I didn\'t bury my husband\'s urn until 6 months after he passed. We had a wake and I scattered ashes in several places he requested. I have kept some to be buried with me and then I buried the rest on Memorial Day weekend because he was a Vietnam Vet and I felt he derserved that...you will do what is best for you and what you feel ...don\'t be afraid to cry...and cry..it helps ...hugs, Ellen
Thank you very much. I can\'t imagine time healing this, especially now with spring approaching. We talked about the longer days and the plans we had for spring and summer. It seems like the hurt is deeper than it was but I keep hearing that time will heal so I\'ll go one day at a time and hope that everyone is right.