Missing You
As Chrismas draws closer, the sadness deepens as I miss you with all my heart.
I decided to ask Carol to be my guest at the office Christmas party, the same one you and I have attended for 36 years. I never cared to go, while you were chomping at the bit to get dressed up, socialize and dance the night away. Now, this year, I attend the same party with my sister in tow, seeing the same people, some with that look of pity on their face. And as the music plays, it tears at my heart for we would be the first ones and sometime the only ones on the dance floor.
I just wanted to scream, and who can I tell? No one. For no one will listen, no one will understand. No one knows just how much I miss you, I yearn to hold you, smell you, feel you and be with you. And the worse part of it all is that I can't. It all sucks big time, I tell you. Big time!
I love you Dick, with all my heart. I still can't comprehend at times that you are really gone. It just seems like yesterday that I heard your voice, I kissed you goodnight, and we talked about our future. Just yesterday.
I decided to ask Carol to be my guest at the office Christmas party, the same one you and I have attended for 36 years. I never cared to go, while you were chomping at the bit to get dressed up, socialize and dance the night away. Now, this year, I attend the same party with my sister in tow, seeing the same people, some with that look of pity on their face. And as the music plays, it tears at my heart for we would be the first ones and sometime the only ones on the dance floor.
I just wanted to scream, and who can I tell? No one. For no one will listen, no one will understand. No one knows just how much I miss you, I yearn to hold you, smell you, feel you and be with you. And the worse part of it all is that I can't. It all sucks big time, I tell you. Big time!
I love you Dick, with all my heart. I still can't comprehend at times that you are really gone. It just seems like yesterday that I heard your voice, I kissed you goodnight, and we talked about our future. Just yesterday.
Replies
Debbie,it is hard at times isan,t it,even when we tell people we are doing ok,deep down inside we are forever missing them.l understand all that you have written,l often have days like that myself,l don,t think Christmas helps,all those memories,l understand how much you miss him,we all have those deep feelings.
Alice
I understand Debbie.......I miss Jim too.
I do so understand Debbie - and feel like you do............I miss Mark so much and the holidays seem so much more difficult. I also have a hard time believing that he isn\'t here...........it sucks big time.
I\'m with you - and sending you a hug,
Chris
I find that I cannot tell people I am fine when they ask. Fine would be if Dick were here with me. So, OK is suitable. I ache all the time, but I manage to enjoy what I have, which is good enough. I just think about our holiday rituals, which cannot be anymore, and my heart just bleeds.
Hugs, Debbie - the world goes on, but I remember. You\'re making such perfect sense to me.
Debbie, I hear you. Most days I am fitting into my new life just fine. But, then there are the holidays filled with years of tradition that just don\'t make sense anymore. New Year\'s Eve is just a few days away. Not that we went out partying but always had a few close friends in for a nice meal and a few bevies. Like last year, I will visit a few mates and then to bed before midnight and hope that 2011 will be a good one for all of us.
Cindy xxoo