Miss you more each day
I am trYing Joe, I really am trying. I know if it was the other way around and I was gone, you would be able to get on with your life, eat dinner, watch tv, see your friends and family. You were such a strong man.
I am with my (our) daughters every weekend and it hurts less to be out of our house. THen they drop me off on sunday and the loneliness here is unbearable. There is so many things in the house you left me to finish now but I am afraid to spend a dime since I can barely afford the mortgage. I want to paint just to make things new and fresh and keep my mind busy, but I keep feeling like I need to move out of here. You always wanted to get rid of this house and buy a ranch style so I feel like that is why we never did put much into it.
I need your guidance on what to do Joe? I will never be able to own a home again and this was our home, but you see how bad things are around here with your boys and ex wife. It is so hard to have them not speaking to me or even calling to see if there is something they can do. I dont get it at all and only you and God know what is happening.I pray for you every day and hope you are happy and not in any pain. I pray that you do not remember anything about the two weeks after your accident except for the fact that I help you hand and rubbed your forehead all day, everyday taht you were there. I hope you know how much I needed to be near you and how much I love you. I thank you so so so much for managing to say you love me before you went into God's hands. Did you know that it would be the last time you saw me? I miss you so much. I miss hearing you hell "hun" all day long. I miss you grabbing me for a hug and an "I love you". I miss you touch on my face just to say that I am "so beautiful lol". I miss you always wrapping me tight in blankets since I am always cold. I even miss us sitting in two separate rooms watching tv..since we hated each others tv shows. Just knowing you were there and hearing you in the next room was my comfort.
I can think of these things a bit more now and smile instead of cry. There are still tears but I love to think of your voice and your laugh and wish I had been more fun this past year instead of depressing from this disease of mine. I hope you always know that I will never have love like our love ever again. There may cmoe a time that love will come again into my life (we always talked about that) but you know that it will be so different...never a love like ours was~~ Me~
I am with my (our) daughters every weekend and it hurts less to be out of our house. THen they drop me off on sunday and the loneliness here is unbearable. There is so many things in the house you left me to finish now but I am afraid to spend a dime since I can barely afford the mortgage. I want to paint just to make things new and fresh and keep my mind busy, but I keep feeling like I need to move out of here. You always wanted to get rid of this house and buy a ranch style so I feel like that is why we never did put much into it.
I need your guidance on what to do Joe? I will never be able to own a home again and this was our home, but you see how bad things are around here with your boys and ex wife. It is so hard to have them not speaking to me or even calling to see if there is something they can do. I dont get it at all and only you and God know what is happening.I pray for you every day and hope you are happy and not in any pain. I pray that you do not remember anything about the two weeks after your accident except for the fact that I help you hand and rubbed your forehead all day, everyday taht you were there. I hope you know how much I needed to be near you and how much I love you. I thank you so so so much for managing to say you love me before you went into God's hands. Did you know that it would be the last time you saw me? I miss you so much. I miss hearing you hell "hun" all day long. I miss you grabbing me for a hug and an "I love you". I miss you touch on my face just to say that I am "so beautiful lol". I miss you always wrapping me tight in blankets since I am always cold. I even miss us sitting in two separate rooms watching tv..since we hated each others tv shows. Just knowing you were there and hearing you in the next room was my comfort.
I can think of these things a bit more now and smile instead of cry. There are still tears but I love to think of your voice and your laugh and wish I had been more fun this past year instead of depressing from this disease of mine. I hope you always know that I will never have love like our love ever again. There may cmoe a time that love will come again into my life (we always talked about that) but you know that it will be so different...never a love like ours was~~ Me~
Replies
Annie, you said \"I don\'t get it at all and\" in the same sentence you answered your questioning.
\"Only you and God know what is happening\". That is Joe answering you, he will always answer you with a positive sentence with God in it.
I am giving this prayer to you to say each day and when ever you feel you may not make it...
Dear Lord,
I am coming to you with a broken heart, You know how much I loved my Joe and how much I need him.
I do not understand why You wanted him to come home to You and why you feel I am so strong I can go on with out him but I want to feel him around me and know he is smiling and happy with my life here on earth till I am allowed to BE with him again.
Please show me what You would want me to do and give me the strength to do it, I know he is with You and if I am doing what you want of me, I know I am doing what he wanted too.
I ask this in Jesus name,
Amen
Annie go read what I wrote on your photos, pray that God gives you guidance. I am here whenever you need to talk,
Your friend,
Judy
Judy, I will say this prayer each day. Thank you so much. Is this how you are able to deal with your loss? Does it help you to find comfort and peace? Love Ann
Your journal entry is beautiful - thanks for sharing. It made me smile, even, thinking of you watching tv in two different rooms! My hubby always hated it when I came to watch tv with him and tried to get him to change the channel! :)
Judy - your prayer is beautiful - it fits for me, too. I was just wondering today about God\'s plan and why he decided to take my dear, sweet husband at 59...I am not angry, just sad, and I don\'t understand...
Yes Annie, it helps me and also knowing that God breathed life into us when He molded us in our mother\'s womb. When we pass on, our bodies only return to dust, our spirit goes back to God.
So, I feel He has our spirit with Him and when I pray to God, I know my Carmelo, sister Bonnie and my father are with Him too.
I pray every day and talk to God, talk all my loved ones all day long.
I feel Peace from this.
Sorry, I just saw both of your questions now, because annie wrote a journal.
Go read my Experience and see that we do not die, we go to the light (Light is Love and that is God).
jremee, There are so many mysteries that we will not know till we stand before God and He will answer.
I was asked why some people live tragic lives and others do not, why do others who are so good leave us and others who are not stay.
I told him, God only has the answers but in my own humble opinion, We are given what we can handle and if we can handle something so tragic, we are able to help others who need this help.
We are all here for a moment in time of eternity. We are here for reason, our reason may be to do that one thing.
We may not learn how to do it, till we mourn and once we mourn we grow wiser and are able to help another mourner.
Once we bring that other mourner (soul) to God and they bring other souls to God, we have done what we have been sent to earth.
When our time comes, we will be surrounded by our loved ones and a very Loving God, which will make this short time on earth like a second in time.
I think of this when I pray and I am able to go on.
Hugs to both of you.
Your friend,
Judy
PS.
If you have questions please ask me on message so I do not miss them again.