miss him
This is probably the hardest time of the day. Late evening. Ken goes to bed early & I read or watch TV or read journals on FMO. The tears begin. The first thing when I wake up I remember. I remember Eddie passed away. I remember that my life is changed forever. Then I get busy with my day. But night-time. Its when the hurt & pain come. I had a dream the other night that Eddie was playing all different instruments in Heaven. Eddie loved music all kinds. I hope that is what Heaven is like for him.
Just rambling. Don't know why. I'm just very sad without Ed living here on earth. I will never understand how someone can be fine one minute & dead the next. I am thankful, so thankful he didn't suffer, but so can't understand how this happened.
Dear Heavenly Father, please ease my troubled soul. Please help all of us on DS to have healing and peace. Please tell Eddie I love him. In Jesus name. Thank you and amen.
I love you, Eddie. Rest with the Lord. Mom
Just rambling. Don't know why. I'm just very sad without Ed living here on earth. I will never understand how someone can be fine one minute & dead the next. I am thankful, so thankful he didn't suffer, but so can't understand how this happened.
Dear Heavenly Father, please ease my troubled soul. Please help all of us on DS to have healing and peace. Please tell Eddie I love him. In Jesus name. Thank you and amen.
I love you, Eddie. Rest with the Lord. Mom
Replies
Linda, I know this well....night time is when I retreat to my room and begin to think of all the what ifs, the coulda, woulda, shouldas...all the pain comes to torment me in ways I can\'t express. I have so many questions and beat myself up constantly. It seems I somehow have condemned myself for not acting on signs that seemed obvious now of my son\'s distress. As the words on his art say it so well...\"It is too late.\".....I know you lean on God as I do ....it is a help but sometimes I can\'t understand why he would have allowed this to happen. I know you must deal with this, too. As we all do. God grant us serenity and help us along this painful process and learn to give total control to Him. I must admit that God is sending me the peace I so desperately need at times and He always sends me a sign. I always look for them....please look for your signs...they are there. I also know He speaks to us through our dreams sometimes....I think Eddie is trying out every heavenly instrument there is!! I love you....and your precious Eddie.....dale, brandon\'s mom
Thank you,Dale. Your words help. Love always to you & Brandon. Linda
I know i often cry myself to sleep. I don\'t understand why either. Sandi
I think our \"ramblings\" offer some of the most important times for insight and release. It\'s hurts so much. It\'s so hard to understand...impossible. I\'m sure Eddie is playing incredible music in Heaven for all our kids to enjoy. We have quite a few talented musicians in Paradise. I can just imagine the incredible beauty of their combined talents! And I know just who\'s singing the loudest!!!!! KALA!!!! Hugging you tight and understanding the pain~~Teri.
We all have a need to just say whatever is on our mind...it helps somehow. I love the image of Eddie playing all kinds of instruments in heaven...love and hugs...Karen
In heaven there is the best band!!!!!!!! My dad is there teaching angel Gabriel how to play the high notes, my Morgan, is there with her pappy, they are playing and making the most beautiful music, I know your Eddie is palying right along side, and the music is fabulous,,, Nora
I STILL HAVE TEARS AT NIGHT...AND I STILL GO OUTSIDE AND LOOK UP THE STREET TO SEE IF I SEE HIM WALKING...THIS LIFE WE R LIVING NOW IS SO HARD WITHOUT OUR KIDS...AND PLUS THERE ARE DAYS WHEN IM OK AND THEN WHAM...THE FLOOD GATES HAVE OPENED...STILL DAYS WHEN IM LOST AND CONFUSED...HUGS...LUV U....HANG IN THERE...WALKING BESIDE YA
Thank you for your support. I do love to visualize our kids playing music & singing in Heaven. Love & peace to all.
Dear Linda, it all makes sense... I mean how you can\'t stop, will never stop loving Eddie. It makes no sense at all that he\'s gone. You don\'t have to look for reasons because no one deserves this kind of heartbreak. Believe in love, believe in connections that are forever.
xox Sarah
It does make perfect sense. I am one that believes that crying is a personal thing and a cleansing thing too. I cry everyday in the shower (have to hide it mostly from the kids, MayLyn\'s kids) but if I didn\'t cry I find that holding it in costs me dearly....I hope you find a little Peace today...Walking beside you always...
Jacqueline PLH
Thank you all. I value your insights. Hugs
I understand your feelings and have them often too...we will never understand and that which we think will need to be answered as soon as we cross over I\'ve heard may not even be \"important\" then?? So much to wonder and to question yet never our eternal love for our children who are truly WITH us 24/7. Trying to learn a new way of being in relationship now with my son and it\'s a day to day choice. I\'m sure our children have all met one another and are sending us all the comfort that they can. Thank you for your caring and loving presence here on FMO. It is felt by me and so appreciated. With love, Joanie
I always had a harder time in late evening also. For me it was just being plain tired from the day\'s activities that wore away my \"buffer.\" I had to constantly keep myself from being too tired or I \"paid\" for it with tears! And the quiet of night with very little distractions...too much time to think....I always kept busy during the day so I didn\'t have to ONLY think and remember....!
Love, Donna