Misery & Suicidal

Hi everyone! So feeling super miserable and suicide just hating life. My therapist was trying to possibly commit me today. She didn't feel like I was safe here on the outside. She could be right, she could be wrong. I don't know, haven't made a plan or anything, just thinkn about it a lot.  The psychiatric facilities to me are not even the answer. I've been in there before. Most of the workers there act like they hate their job and they don't wanna be nice to you and they don't wanna help you. If I want to be miserable and around miserable people, I could be on the outside. Why I gotta be in there?! Some of the patients even try to turn each other against each other. It's  bullshit to me. I've been roomed with super psychotic, schizophrenic patients and I only have depression and anxiety. Those are totally different illnesses with totally different symptoms so it's it's hard to even feel better when they put you with people that r way worse than u. I'll pass I told her. They would have  had to sedate me for me to go to a  facility. I'm struggling, struggling, struggling to be happy and be joyful and like my life I can't seem to find that road. It's like it's hidden somewhere in a cornfield or someone painted over it. I don't know guys. Hugs to everyone!! Mel.