Mirror image
Days where going by and I was looking less and less in the mirror. I could feel the difference in my body yet I was refusing to see it when I looked at my reflection. We are not in love... The word divorce is weighing me down now. In my mind in my body and in my heart. The empty look I see in the mirror in my eyes shows the wasted years I spent trying to hard to be loved and in the end I was left with a broken heart and a web of lies.
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Spending the day in the hospital with my 16 year old son watching him be in pain again was hard. But what was harder was watching and listening to his dad again like before. Flashes of 2 years ago running through my mind. Watching the heart monitor race... the sarcasm ...the control .. I am sure in this moment I did the right thing.
It amazes me still when I can feel the tension in the room. Not the good kind when you are younger but the bad kind I want to run and hide from. I can look from the outside in and know I can walk away but it still hurts each time knowing my son is affected. The mind games and fake smiles are nauseating and I wish we could just be at home. One day at a time and soon we will be back in our own element.
Omg he is totally back to verbally and emotionally abusing me. Why because he is not the center of attention in the hospital. I hate him do much right now. Last night my son begged me not to go and leave him but our plan was if he did the same things as the night before I would come and remove him from the hospital. I hope we are headed home tonight. Back to the peace of our own home.