Mining for Gems
My current just-a-patient theory is that PTSD flashbacks arenae about the torture of re-living traumatic events. They are about mining for the precious gems which were buried in the mindslides of the trauma. Been working the theory long enough that I am ready to believe it. Proof irrelevant.
Big Brother gave me many, many of those gems. He also shared wa-a-a-ay to many of the traumas which caused the mind slides of my own, strictly personal trauma. No, our adult relationship didnae allow discussion of his strictly personals. That hope died with him.
Mining works in progress. . . Acceptance. Awareness. Process. Prayer. The AAPP for that?
I am still alone at the job site. The truck still sits in the proposed mechanic's bay, awaiting road prep. If the hood isnae still up, perhaps I should be looking into security measures against those pesky humans. . . In my mind's eye, the two childish heads are still at the hand dug berm, peeking through the feral grasses and herbs. I haven't *talked* to them, yet. I know I look entirely too much like the Janes who . . . It's not about that. Mining for gems. Wondering if I should go lay in the make believe pond with them for awhile.
or. . .
There is a hospital not too far from here. Fort Worth has arrived. . . The Boom is on. Zoom zoom?
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There are two Health Department Alert sized muck piles in the big barn. Literal ones. HDA alert super-ceded. They are old enough to have bio-degraded into compost fit for a nursery bag. As I have procrastinated on the truck's road prep, shoveling that literal shit has been my distraction. Been putting it on the literal horehound. They like it so far. I think. It hasn't killed any of them yet. Fertilizer is a tedious testing process. Plants don't grow in microwaves. Don't let the digital fields of "FarmVille" fool ya.
I haven't done the research, but I still believe there is pharmaceutical grade horehound growing here. Haven't even gotten as far as determining whether pharmacists grade horehound. The two in-law pharmacists didn't know off hand and never got back to me with an answer. Doubt they remembered the question. It remains hard for me to get a word in edgewise in the in-law chats.
Some of the literal shit is currently sitting on the desk in the improvised grow room. My current fissures are running between implementing the experiment which inspired me to put it there or making another attempt at the truck's road prep.