Minimal cognitive difficulties with TBI
I was mugged brutally by two thugs on December 17th, 2009 at about 6 a.m. in Bullhead City Arizona. I was hit by a vehicle riding my bicycle, then repeatedly kicked in the head in a murder attempt. My attackers were saying stuff like "die faggot" during the attack.
This was an anti-gay hate crime. I had had incidents of punks driving by my house repeatedly yelling "faggot". I also came home from a night shift to find "faggot" spray painted on my home which tired as I was I promptly painted over.
I actually couldn't recall details of what had happened to me at first. It took several sessions of PTSD exposure therapy at the University of Washington Seattle to fully recall what had happened to me. I don't care to revisit the whole story at this time. The therapy sessions were remarkably successful at ending terrible flashback nighmares of this and other traumatic events in my life that started plaguing me horribly about a year after this incident.
I have done a lot of brain-training exercises of many sorts to regain my cognitive flow. Sometimes, however, I still have short-term memory difficulties and have been told I tend to repeat myself.
Five years later now and I still have some difficulties. Sometimes I feel almost normal but have never regained the physical endurance I had before the attack. I still occasionally have some nightmares but it is now related to the hospitalization, the freakish first time I saw myself in the mirror without bandages with my whole head the size of a purple watermelon through the one eye that the swelling had finally gone down enough to see. It freaked some of my friends out so badly that one who came to see me at the hospital just backed out of the room and I never saw her again. Another friend who brought me groceries at home after I was discharged also has been distant ever since. A few others engaged in blaming the victim: as though I should not have been out riding my bicycle as though I'd have some foreknowledge I'd be brutally mugged.
It's been a constant funny feeling I get ever since this happened I describe as "nausea in the head". The same time that gets bad, it's like everything around me become surreal, devoid of colors, even people look like plastic figurines. It comes and goes. I'll have whole bad days in a row, or have an hour of feeling really, really yuck then clears up to an acceptable level.
I have terrible arthritis ever since the injuries and pinched nerves in my neck I do traction exercises and chiropractic treatment to relieve. My left SI joint was torn wide open and I got terrible sciatica that has largely resolved. My leg used to just sort of "forget" how to swing forward in a stable way when walking and I'd have near falls. That has resolved to the point that I can even run with my dog short distances now.
Yet the worst is related to my TBI, no doubt. Headaches right behind my eyes I have to take some narcotic pain meds to relieve. I have attempted to go off the pain meds twice, the last time for over a year, but finally went back to the doctor and told him that experiment was a colossal failure. My work suffered from my mood swings related to unrelieved pain and I was sick from taking so much OTC pain meds, I surrendered to the opiates again. I'm far more functional that way. I can often, in the morning do without, sometimes even into the afternoon, sometimes earlier, and bad days I can't even arise to function without some headache relief.
The dizziness also largely resolved, or at least to the point I don't get severely dizzy unless I've overexerted myself. But the headache, funny "goopy" feeling in the head and surreal vision comes on with exertion too.
I'll wrap this up with the positive points. I've kept strong, kept working in spurts when I can, mostly short-term contract jobs. I couple places have not been very understanding at all when I had my occasional difficulties and had to take a break. Matter of fact some of the doctors I worked with became very belligerent and had me "fired" regardless of explaining my partial disability. But I refuse to let this damn thing totally get me down. I started a career and a homesteading venture long before this happened that has been badly delayed but progressing still. I refuse to let the actions of a couple of dipshit punks take away my whole career and life plans.
Many times colleagues don't recognize I have any difficulties at all, but that's when I've allowed myself to accept that I'm not as capable as I was, take it slowly but efficiently, take my pain meds when needed and do my job. Most places have recognized I'm rather good at what I do.
I have ten years left before retirement. When my symptoms are bad I wonder if I'll survive that long. Right now I'm okay, but kind of tired from my day's activity. Which is far less than I was physically capable of before I got attacked, but far more than recent years past.
I have a wonderful support and assistance dog named Caleb. He's my steadiness when I got dizzy, my guardian angel when I felt vulnerable in public, my clown and makes me laugh at least a dozen times a day. Its remarkable how one's whole social life changes after a debilitating event. I'm no longer included in social activities anywhere. Love life? I've given up ever having a semblance of that again, people want that "perfect" mate. Although I've largely overcome the obstacles that limited me, I no longer look like a freak, I'm treated with kid gloves, asked in sing-songy tones if I'm alright, but never included in activities anymore. I can just see the freaked out look and feel even from some of them online.
Pardon the shameless ripoff from Forrest Gump but that's all I have to say about that.
This was an anti-gay hate crime. I had had incidents of punks driving by my house repeatedly yelling "faggot". I also came home from a night shift to find "faggot" spray painted on my home which tired as I was I promptly painted over.
I actually couldn't recall details of what had happened to me at first. It took several sessions of PTSD exposure therapy at the University of Washington Seattle to fully recall what had happened to me. I don't care to revisit the whole story at this time. The therapy sessions were remarkably successful at ending terrible flashback nighmares of this and other traumatic events in my life that started plaguing me horribly about a year after this incident.
I have done a lot of brain-training exercises of many sorts to regain my cognitive flow. Sometimes, however, I still have short-term memory difficulties and have been told I tend to repeat myself.
Five years later now and I still have some difficulties. Sometimes I feel almost normal but have never regained the physical endurance I had before the attack. I still occasionally have some nightmares but it is now related to the hospitalization, the freakish first time I saw myself in the mirror without bandages with my whole head the size of a purple watermelon through the one eye that the swelling had finally gone down enough to see. It freaked some of my friends out so badly that one who came to see me at the hospital just backed out of the room and I never saw her again. Another friend who brought me groceries at home after I was discharged also has been distant ever since. A few others engaged in blaming the victim: as though I should not have been out riding my bicycle as though I'd have some foreknowledge I'd be brutally mugged.
It's been a constant funny feeling I get ever since this happened I describe as "nausea in the head". The same time that gets bad, it's like everything around me become surreal, devoid of colors, even people look like plastic figurines. It comes and goes. I'll have whole bad days in a row, or have an hour of feeling really, really yuck then clears up to an acceptable level.
I have terrible arthritis ever since the injuries and pinched nerves in my neck I do traction exercises and chiropractic treatment to relieve. My left SI joint was torn wide open and I got terrible sciatica that has largely resolved. My leg used to just sort of "forget" how to swing forward in a stable way when walking and I'd have near falls. That has resolved to the point that I can even run with my dog short distances now.
Yet the worst is related to my TBI, no doubt. Headaches right behind my eyes I have to take some narcotic pain meds to relieve. I have attempted to go off the pain meds twice, the last time for over a year, but finally went back to the doctor and told him that experiment was a colossal failure. My work suffered from my mood swings related to unrelieved pain and I was sick from taking so much OTC pain meds, I surrendered to the opiates again. I'm far more functional that way. I can often, in the morning do without, sometimes even into the afternoon, sometimes earlier, and bad days I can't even arise to function without some headache relief.
The dizziness also largely resolved, or at least to the point I don't get severely dizzy unless I've overexerted myself. But the headache, funny "goopy" feeling in the head and surreal vision comes on with exertion too.
I'll wrap this up with the positive points. I've kept strong, kept working in spurts when I can, mostly short-term contract jobs. I couple places have not been very understanding at all when I had my occasional difficulties and had to take a break. Matter of fact some of the doctors I worked with became very belligerent and had me "fired" regardless of explaining my partial disability. But I refuse to let this damn thing totally get me down. I started a career and a homesteading venture long before this happened that has been badly delayed but progressing still. I refuse to let the actions of a couple of dipshit punks take away my whole career and life plans.
Many times colleagues don't recognize I have any difficulties at all, but that's when I've allowed myself to accept that I'm not as capable as I was, take it slowly but efficiently, take my pain meds when needed and do my job. Most places have recognized I'm rather good at what I do.
I have ten years left before retirement. When my symptoms are bad I wonder if I'll survive that long. Right now I'm okay, but kind of tired from my day's activity. Which is far less than I was physically capable of before I got attacked, but far more than recent years past.
I have a wonderful support and assistance dog named Caleb. He's my steadiness when I got dizzy, my guardian angel when I felt vulnerable in public, my clown and makes me laugh at least a dozen times a day. Its remarkable how one's whole social life changes after a debilitating event. I'm no longer included in social activities anywhere. Love life? I've given up ever having a semblance of that again, people want that "perfect" mate. Although I've largely overcome the obstacles that limited me, I no longer look like a freak, I'm treated with kid gloves, asked in sing-songy tones if I'm alright, but never included in activities anymore. I can just see the freaked out look and feel even from some of them online.
Pardon the shameless ripoff from Forrest Gump but that's all I have to say about that.
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