Mini breakdown...

So I had a mini emotional breakdown over easter weekend. It started over the stupidest thing. My fiance and I ordered chinese food saturday and when it arrived, my order was all wrong. All of a sudden I felt tears well up in my eyes and I started having trouble breathing. I started yelling and crying about how my order was wrong and how everything always goes wrong. I dont even know where it came from but for 30 minutes or so, my tears were pouring out like a flood. My fiance didnt even know what to do. Of course non of this had anything to do with my food, but for whatever reason having my order arrive wrong just set me off on an emotional breakdown. The truth is its been coming for weeks now. The anniversary of my second loss was in March, and I didnt cry..not even once. I tried my best to ignore it and focused on my wedding.  So many new babies are in my life and I have 2 pregnant people in my life aswell. It hasnt been too hard dealing with all this, but over the weekend I just lost it. I have not once felt sorry for myself ,but while looking at easter photos of some of my friends babies, I just couldnt help but wonder WHY? Why did all those pregnancies go right, when my went so terribly wrong. I know that I didnt cause my miscarriage and that they are common, but I just dont get how life chooses who gets to experience such a painful loss and who doesnt. It doesnt help that the endless remarks about my fiance and I having babies, is becoming more frequent now that the wedding is getting closer and closer. I know people mean well, but half the time I'm not sure I can even endure the emotional battle of trying again, and other times I want a baby so bad my heart aches. I know it might sound stupid, but the part of this that is the most difficult for me isnt the actual loss, but the feelings of fear and doubt when it comes to pregnancy that has been left behind by my losses. The truth is it just SUCKS to have the innocence of pregnancy shattered. I should be able to look forward to trying for a baby after my wedding, but instead I'm full of fear and anxiety about it. Most of the time I do great, but there are some days that it all catches up with me, and I guess this weekend was one of those times. I'm sure in a few days I'll feel much better, but for now, I just cant help but cry...