Mind Games....
Lately He's been doing His Very Best to Play very twisted " Mind Games " with Me. What I mean by this is that he's trying to Confuse Me, and make Me falter in My Decision to have Him Leave. With Everything He's put Me through I know that there's Truly No Reason I should falter in My Choice, but when You've been " Under His Spell " for so Long it's Easy to start questioning Yourself. He's always been good at that.... Making Me Doubt Myself where before He came into My Life I hadn't done that Nearly as Much as I do when I'm around Him. I suppose perhaps it's all tied into the way He's so Controlling, Demanding, and Constantly Critical & Judgemental. I think He could drive a " Saint " to Question His/Her Beliefs !
What He's been doing lately has been Subtle, but still Obvious to Me regardless of He may think. He's been going " Out of His Way " to be Extra Nice, and been doing " Extra Things " around the Apartment that He hasn't done in Ages.... been making a Point of Playing Board Games with Me... and insisting on watching TV, or a DVD, together, sometimes Twice a Day. Plus, He even Spent a Lot of His Own Money on " Household Neccessities " and some Groceries, that We needed... just a couple of Days ago. That really suprised Me, since it was Only maybe about 2 weeks ago that We were Frequently having Very Ugly Arguements over Money !
ALL of these Things I've mentioned while They are " Nice ", are still NOTHING compared to Living in FEAR of His RAGE constantly ! PLUS, like I briefly mentioned Earlier, He is VERY Controlling, Demanding, Critical, Judgemental, AND I can't leave out UN-Romantic, and EXTREMELY SELFISH in MANY WAYS !
He can continue to put on this " ACT " that He's been doing Lately, right Up Till He LEAVES on November 3rd... BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND !!!!
I CAN'T LET IT... I JUST CAN'T IF I'M EVER GOING TO HAVE REAL PEACE, AND A SENSE OF SECURITY, AND PERSONAL SAFETY, IN MY LIFE AGAIN... NOT TO EVEN MENTION TO HOPEFULLY HAVE TRUE LOVE, AND REAL ROMANCE, IN MY LIFE AGAIN... ONE DAY.
I'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT THIS " ACT " OF HIS IS JUST THAT... " AN ACT ", AND THAT IT'S ONLY ON THE SURFACE.... JUST UNDERNEATH THE FACADE HE'S BEEN PUTTING ON IS STILL THE " RAGING BEAST " JUST WAITING FOR THE LEAST LITTLE EXCUSE TO COME OUT !!!!
What He's been doing lately has been Subtle, but still Obvious to Me regardless of He may think. He's been going " Out of His Way " to be Extra Nice, and been doing " Extra Things " around the Apartment that He hasn't done in Ages.... been making a Point of Playing Board Games with Me... and insisting on watching TV, or a DVD, together, sometimes Twice a Day. Plus, He even Spent a Lot of His Own Money on " Household Neccessities " and some Groceries, that We needed... just a couple of Days ago. That really suprised Me, since it was Only maybe about 2 weeks ago that We were Frequently having Very Ugly Arguements over Money !
ALL of these Things I've mentioned while They are " Nice ", are still NOTHING compared to Living in FEAR of His RAGE constantly ! PLUS, like I briefly mentioned Earlier, He is VERY Controlling, Demanding, Critical, Judgemental, AND I can't leave out UN-Romantic, and EXTREMELY SELFISH in MANY WAYS !
He can continue to put on this " ACT " that He's been doing Lately, right Up Till He LEAVES on November 3rd... BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND !!!!
I CAN'T LET IT... I JUST CAN'T IF I'M EVER GOING TO HAVE REAL PEACE, AND A SENSE OF SECURITY, AND PERSONAL SAFETY, IN MY LIFE AGAIN... NOT TO EVEN MENTION TO HOPEFULLY HAVE TRUE LOVE, AND REAL ROMANCE, IN MY LIFE AGAIN... ONE DAY.
I'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT THIS " ACT " OF HIS IS JUST THAT... " AN ACT ", AND THAT IT'S ONLY ON THE SURFACE.... JUST UNDERNEATH THE FACADE HE'S BEEN PUTTING ON IS STILL THE " RAGING BEAST " JUST WAITING FOR THE LEAST LITTLE EXCUSE TO COME OUT !!!!
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