Mid to Lows
My day started off with Roomie venting about his job and how he is not busy. Says he feels useless. Reminded him this is the business we are in and it's slow across the board in construction in this area right now. It will pick up after the first of the year. It makes me feel guilty becuase I have closed myself off to him, but, feel like I have to start thinking of me because noone else will. I did let him know that I appreciated him.
Nothing on the background checks on the Lyft/Uber front yet. Everthing is slow. It's frustrating.
On a happier note, I heard from my adult daughter's grandmother who told me she is doing very well. She has a boyfriend and a dog and has found her happy place. I told the grandmother not to let the daughter know I called to check on her. The last thing she needs is her toxic mother. But, her toxic mother is trying to find her way back somehow. Maybe the pychiatrist can help me. I want things to get better. I'm still carrying alot emotionally from the past and it weighs on me. It's why I can't get around to painting my toes, getting out of bed in the morning, just doing simple self care things.
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I have grown quite convinced that guilt is even more disruptive to the intelligence than alcohol or drugs. Possibly even more so than fear or hate for the fact that guilt so often disguises itself as good intention. Beware the beaten crazy bitch wolf in martyr's clothing?
But kindness is a whole different phenom. Yay you for taking the time to help Roomie feel appreciated. Kindness rocks the world.
I don't get to control the adults who call call me, "Toxic Mom," but, at worst, working on my own issues makes life in the Toxic People Landfill more tolerable. Healing hopes for all. No exceptions. Even Toxic Mom and the adults who hate her.
Toe painting is self-care? I'm even more of a train wreck than I thought. . .
Well, just the simple things like painting toes or washing my hair have become a choir to me. I am sure and have been that I am deeply depressed. No mania or highs. I get to where I have good days but the last two years have been more bad than good. It's harder for me to pull myself out of the ho hums.
For what it's worth
Every big healing breakthrough I've experienced has left me with shifts in my personal priorities. Some of the old priorities seem silly and/or counter-productive while new-to-me priorities seem worth a try. When I fight this process, depression is a natural result.
Perhaps your personal priorities are shifting with the new focus on your own personal development instead of capturing Mister Right?
Dunno. . . Just wondering out loud. . . Every healing journey is unique and ^It^ remains yours to sort.
Continued support while you sort.