Messed up family
This is a complicated issue, but my family has always hated me. I think it was because my Mom went through a LOT after they had me...two stillborn babies and four miscarriages...then she had my brothers. Maids and nannies raised me and my parents wanted to pretend I didn't exist. Meanwhile, my brothers were the be-all and end-all of her world. My mom wanted more children, but after my 2nd brother, they could not conceive again.
When I was 18, I lost my innocence to a rape, which resulted in pregnancy. My parents were horrible to me about the rape...blamed me because I was up late watching "Return to OZ" in our house and the perp could see that I was awake...like it was my fault he kicked down the door to our home?!? Whatever. Anyway, I originally wanted to give the baby up for adoption because I thought he would look just like my rapist, and I didn't want to live with that image for the rest of my life.
My parents freaked out. Here was a baby that they could have! So, they set about trying to force me to let them raise the baby that I didn't want to have to look at. This was horrible. But, at my 6th month ultrasound, we saw the baby's face so perfectly, and poor little bugger looked just like me. LOL I had been feeling abandoned by God, but when I saw his face, I knew God wanted me to keep him and raise him. When I told my parents that I wanted to keep my son they were completely horrified, insulted and furious.
The spent the next 18 years telling my son that I was the most selfish and horrible person because they should have been his parents...and they had money (where I had to struggle and work several jobs at a time as a single mom with NO help or support)...and yadda yadda. They told him constantly how much better his life would have been if I had loved him enough to let them adopt him. In the meantime, I worked my butt off to put him through private school and give him everything I could. He had a Christian home with lots of love. I failed in plenty of ways, but nowhere NEAR as many ways as my folks did and I love them anyway! (Though they do not speak to me.)
Anyhow, when he turned 18, my son went to live with my parents...and NEVER TALKED TO US AGAIN. He is 21 and this was our FOURTH Thanksgiving without even a word from him. Horrible. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc go by without a word from him. We write and write...we send gifts...nothing. Yesterday, our 12 yr old wrote the most tear jerking message to him through FaceBook (he refused to "friend" us on FB, but she messaged him). She begged him to respond and said it breaks her heart that she writes and he never replies.
I guess we need to be prepared for what we ask for.
He wrote. He did not say, "Oh, Hi, Sis! I have missed you!" or "How are you?" or "How tall are you now?" As a matter of fact, he didn't even say "hello"....instead he launched into a horrific attack on my and my DH...telling my sweet DD that we are totally evil, horrible people who ruined our family...that I am totally selfish and that they best thing she can ever do for herself is to get away from us as soon as possible. He said he will never talk to us again as long as he lives. It was paragraph after paragraph of bile and lies and bizarre conclusions.
My DD thought my mother wrote it because it is the exact verbiage she uses when my DD used to see her. It wasn't my mother...my DS has just been drinking the KoolAid over there for nearly 4 years now...he is completely brainwashed. I've seen it happen. I used to be there. In retrospect, the single greatest parenting mistake I ever made was to allow my children to EVER be around my parents.
Nothing left to do but pray. Sadly though, it means my two boys are lost...one in Heaven...and the other here on Earth and living with evil incarnate...my mom. Sad. I love her. I love my son. I want our family reconciled, but it is not in my hands. So, we pray....and cry...and pray.
When I was 18, I lost my innocence to a rape, which resulted in pregnancy. My parents were horrible to me about the rape...blamed me because I was up late watching "Return to OZ" in our house and the perp could see that I was awake...like it was my fault he kicked down the door to our home?!? Whatever. Anyway, I originally wanted to give the baby up for adoption because I thought he would look just like my rapist, and I didn't want to live with that image for the rest of my life.
My parents freaked out. Here was a baby that they could have! So, they set about trying to force me to let them raise the baby that I didn't want to have to look at. This was horrible. But, at my 6th month ultrasound, we saw the baby's face so perfectly, and poor little bugger looked just like me. LOL I had been feeling abandoned by God, but when I saw his face, I knew God wanted me to keep him and raise him. When I told my parents that I wanted to keep my son they were completely horrified, insulted and furious.
The spent the next 18 years telling my son that I was the most selfish and horrible person because they should have been his parents...and they had money (where I had to struggle and work several jobs at a time as a single mom with NO help or support)...and yadda yadda. They told him constantly how much better his life would have been if I had loved him enough to let them adopt him. In the meantime, I worked my butt off to put him through private school and give him everything I could. He had a Christian home with lots of love. I failed in plenty of ways, but nowhere NEAR as many ways as my folks did and I love them anyway! (Though they do not speak to me.)
Anyhow, when he turned 18, my son went to live with my parents...and NEVER TALKED TO US AGAIN. He is 21 and this was our FOURTH Thanksgiving without even a word from him. Horrible. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc go by without a word from him. We write and write...we send gifts...nothing. Yesterday, our 12 yr old wrote the most tear jerking message to him through FaceBook (he refused to "friend" us on FB, but she messaged him). She begged him to respond and said it breaks her heart that she writes and he never replies.
I guess we need to be prepared for what we ask for.
He wrote. He did not say, "Oh, Hi, Sis! I have missed you!" or "How are you?" or "How tall are you now?" As a matter of fact, he didn't even say "hello"....instead he launched into a horrific attack on my and my DH...telling my sweet DD that we are totally evil, horrible people who ruined our family...that I am totally selfish and that they best thing she can ever do for herself is to get away from us as soon as possible. He said he will never talk to us again as long as he lives. It was paragraph after paragraph of bile and lies and bizarre conclusions.
My DD thought my mother wrote it because it is the exact verbiage she uses when my DD used to see her. It wasn't my mother...my DS has just been drinking the KoolAid over there for nearly 4 years now...he is completely brainwashed. I've seen it happen. I used to be there. In retrospect, the single greatest parenting mistake I ever made was to allow my children to EVER be around my parents.
Nothing left to do but pray. Sadly though, it means my two boys are lost...one in Heaven...and the other here on Earth and living with evil incarnate...my mom. Sad. I love her. I love my son. I want our family reconciled, but it is not in my hands. So, we pray....and cry...and pray.
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