Merry Christmas in Heaven honey!

What used to be my favorite time of the year is no longer without you here. Yes we are having a white Christmas with fresh snow on the ground something I always loved.  But you're not here.  I want to find peace and comfort, but you're not here.  No one could have ever prepared me for the depth of this pain in losing you. I want to share with you how the kids and grands are doing, but you're not here. I so hope you are at peace with all our loved ones and pets that passed before you.  You so deserve to be pain free and surrounded by love and comfort.  The kids are as good as can be and of course the grands are two beautiful little girls. I so hate that you aren't here to share them all with me.  I can't seem to get a grip on anything anymore.  So little matters. This once strong independent wife of yours has turned into a blubbering sobbing wreck.  I still can't wrap my mind around losing you. The depth of this  pain is more than I can seem to cope with at times.  I try to find comfort in the wonderful memories I have and concentrate on how long we were together instead of how long you have been gone.  8 months already, so unbelievable. I hate leaving our home, it is my sanctuary, but also my torture chamber.  I still can't take your coat off the back of the front door or even toss anything you may have touched.  Silly I know.  I wake up and want to talk to you or call you. Nights are terrible. All those years we seemed to be up and down thru the night and so it seems I miss you most then, although you are always on my mind.  Everywhere I go, everything I do and everything I see I have a memory of you. I keep hearing it will get better, but how can it?  I will love you as much forever as I have for forty years.  I just hope someday I find the meaning for all of this. I can only be thankful that I know you were and always will be my one true love.  But god I miss you.  So Merry Christmas honey, forever yours,  Michele