Mentally I am feeling strong and stable

I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, as long as it is the best I got, and if you want more. Tough. Too bad, cause that's all I got is my best. Not always at my best, in times of phisical trouble like now.....
For example, I am so much pain in my right side whenever I breath that I think I have either pnumonia, or Pluracy. I can't hardly breath at all sitting up, or lying down. I can't take care of the hosuehold chores, that need to be done, so my place doesn't look like a disaster area. Heidi isn't taking care of Heidi again, and I am not at my best phisically.
 
 I go to the treating doctor tomorrow at one pm. This time with a ride supposidly waiting or arriving at around noon. If that happens, I will be examined by my trusted nurologist, and he will determind what tests need to be done, to help my chronic pain, and I am either asking for oxycodone, morphine, or morphine. I am allergic highly to barbituatchs, and if given pennicilin I will die, so I wear my bracelets that say I am diabetic, and allergic to pennicillin. I carry all the id's I have when picking up narcotics, and my ride will wait twenty minutes or  longer if he doesn't get called away to make sure I am home safe. Since It is legally known now that I am suffering as a result of the neglected system I am going to use it to my fullest advantage that I can to heal heal heal. My doctor will help me in anyway possible to recover. Including having a surgoun remove the lumps found in my body begnine or not. There are five that I know of that are growing in pain causing my pain inside. My knees are blown out. My lower back is awful. My arms are sore from all the blood work. It hurts just to take a nice hot shower. It hurts to do laundry. I will stop this pain in any means as leagally as I can without breaking the law. I will do it in the most positive professional mannor by showing him the past history of my operations including a heart operation at the age of three called a paton ductus. There's a tube that goes from your heart to your brain that is suppose to either stay closed or opened, and mine didn't work, causing a heart murmer corrected at three. I got pics. I have pictures of a hospitalized baby behind bars, metal bars, while my operation took time to recover. I was born with this.
 
I will heal. I will heal more and more everday with a positive attitude or a way to fix it. And if it isn't broken I won't try. I will show him my reports, and all the history with pictures of xrays where my chronic pain is. One second at a time I am recovering as a cutter, in a peacuful healing way. One year is all I need to start the first New JErsey chapter of cutting annonomous much needed in our country not by the stupid media who has no idea how to exploit us, and it makes us worse. The media doesn't understand and never will. Only the suffer's will and only the sufferr's will heal themselves through each other and fellowship. That is my future goal. This is the purpous in life I was made for. HEidi