Mental Fatigue

Mental fatigue has been really hitting me lately.  I just have so little energy and passion.  I just don't get why I haven't gotten out of this sort of depression.  Sometimes I feel kind of confused in life.  With all the class work and readings I have to do, it makes me wonder if people in my classes actually well read them!  I've never really liked reading as is which probably doesn't help but with how much I have to read, I feel like my head is going to explode.  Sometimes my reading comprehension is really good with certain things other people don't understand but then at times I get absolutely nothing out of certain readings where it takes forever and me having to read it multiple times to understand it.  I guess mentally I've never understood how to motivate myself to do things that I don't want to do.  Maybe other people do stuff with other people or have lots of fun at certain times and that helps motivate them when they have to do things like reading boring, long, and complicated readings.  Maybe it's a combination of that but other people still don't actually do all of the readings and stuff like I do.  All I know is that my initial energy to start out days is horrible and then I have to somehow talking myself into doing something not particularly entertaining which makes it double trouble.  I honestly think I'm just a perfectionist and want to be the best.  I think where I can run into problems is that I don't just want to be the best at something...I want to be the best at everything.  I also think I focus on WAY to much.  Yes it pisses me off when energy companies try to get away with something or yadayada but especially going to school right now, I can't be thinking about literally everything.  Overall I think I need to make recreation a priority of mine.  I should be going to the gym almost everyday, I should be go fishing or at least outdoors at least a couple of times per week.  What seems like the hardest thing in the world for me is to find people to do stuff with!  Everyone at school either lives down there(I'm more south), is busy when I can actually do stuff, or I just don't really connect with or a combination of all those.  Especially when its winter and nothing really else for me to do, the lack of socialization I have seems like a problem.  Realistically I either need a part time job or meet more people and actually do stuff with them.  I think if I can have fun at times then it'll maybe give me more energy to do things I don't want to like readings.  I'm sure I'll still feel a little mentally tired every day but if it's tolerable I'll actually continue doing all the readings and stuff.  If not then I either won't do them all or will only read certain portions of them.  The good news is I've mentally learned how to neutralize my emotions so I don't get bipolar low anymore and all I've got to work on is getting it so I'm happier more often(which won't be easy and will take).