mental check

okay so i am reviewing my positive reinforcement program (for myself) i am cracking myself up because it is like a kid's sticker reward chart in my head. every time i walk away, hang up the phone, do not confront, or stop obsessing, i give myself Permission for a "treat".  really, change your thoughts, change your life.  this is working for me in a big way!!! and so far i haven't even cashed in! I think that at 56 years old i am finally learning what is important to me and what is not. my personal happiness and contentment can come from no where else but from me.  if he wants to be my friend/partner/spouse...he can pick up my coffee cup from time to time or just shut up because i am not listening.    i also find (as a bonus), that when i am in a happier, less co-dependent mode, AH is less anxious and appears healthier. i know that he is quite devoted to me and wants to stay substance free, but he responds better to behavioral attitude clues than verbal. ie: act like a jerk: i walk away. push my buttons.... i won't play.  
today's gratitude entry is that hubby has intervened in a very frustrating and difficult situation with my parents (who are stubborn and elderly) and is helping them out so i don't need to call in sick again.  he is also helping me greatly by dealing with my (alcoholic) sister in the parent situation.  i am very thankful for his help in helping to keep this family thing under control and that he can be less emotionally invested than i can.  i am now including parents and sisters in my sticker chart plan.
i am also grateful for my therapist, she is a great fit with me and her support has helped me immensely. seeing her this afternoon yay

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deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, we are so on the same page...I am separated from my SO for over a year and we are finally working things out because I stopped playing his game. I am not obsessing because I too am \"rewarding\" myself for Not getting into his business. I am finally taking care of myself in a much bigger way than I have for a long time.
It also isn\'t a life or death matter if he does not want to come back, because if he can not be a better partner I do not want to go back into that hell again.

Life is happier when I focus on the good things I want to do and have in my life. I am tired of trying to get him to see that and I think we all deserve to be happier.

Keep taking care of you and bless our therapists because they do help. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.....I just had to get ready to hear.

Have another great day like you just had!