Memories - weighing them all
Mired a bit in the muck again, just for a bit. I am journaling here so I don't blow it all over anyone else.
I was thinking about the good memories he and I had...and we had some good ones.
Our vacations were pretty darn awesome. We went to Bonnaroo together once with two of his best friends and that was life changing. We spent a lot of time in South Carolina, Georgia and most importantly Mississippi with friends, family and at our favorite music festival. We have been through a lot of things together - good and bad. Our families are close and I miss them horribly.
We share a lot of common interests. And I have had to mostly put those aside as all it does is remind me of him and our good times. We share a lot of mutual friends since I have known him for 40 years. It is hard to navigate these murky waters. Well it is hard for me, he seems ok with it all. And that is what ticks me off, but I am getting over it.
Our wedding was memorable and unconventional. It was small, and out in the country in the most beautiful churchyard in the mountains. The view was breathtaking. My dress failed to show up so I wore a rather crazy combination and went barefoot. My dog was the ringbearer and he was walked up the aisle of grass by a rather troubled young 17 year old who I had taken into my home. (He had come out of the closet and his uncle beat the crap out of him). He was a great kid and is doing ok now. My flowers and the reception which I had in my house were amazing. I did not want cake, I asked my friend to bake me 5 pies. We had the best fried chicken in this country and quite a party. I am an odd bird. There is no doubt. I am done with being conventional.
But to be honest the years of bad memories are out weighing the good times. Day to day life with him was not always good or healthy, for either of us. He decided to leave for a reason and I piled all of his possessions in a pile in the living room for a reason.
I need to get the heck over it all.
I was thinking about the good memories he and I had...and we had some good ones.
Our vacations were pretty darn awesome. We went to Bonnaroo together once with two of his best friends and that was life changing. We spent a lot of time in South Carolina, Georgia and most importantly Mississippi with friends, family and at our favorite music festival. We have been through a lot of things together - good and bad. Our families are close and I miss them horribly.
We share a lot of common interests. And I have had to mostly put those aside as all it does is remind me of him and our good times. We share a lot of mutual friends since I have known him for 40 years. It is hard to navigate these murky waters. Well it is hard for me, he seems ok with it all. And that is what ticks me off, but I am getting over it.
Our wedding was memorable and unconventional. It was small, and out in the country in the most beautiful churchyard in the mountains. The view was breathtaking. My dress failed to show up so I wore a rather crazy combination and went barefoot. My dog was the ringbearer and he was walked up the aisle of grass by a rather troubled young 17 year old who I had taken into my home. (He had come out of the closet and his uncle beat the crap out of him). He was a great kid and is doing ok now. My flowers and the reception which I had in my house were amazing. I did not want cake, I asked my friend to bake me 5 pies. We had the best fried chicken in this country and quite a party. I am an odd bird. There is no doubt. I am done with being conventional.
But to be honest the years of bad memories are out weighing the good times. Day to day life with him was not always good or healthy, for either of us. He decided to leave for a reason and I piled all of his possessions in a pile in the living room for a reason.
I need to get the heck over it all.
Replies
The good memories are hard to forget, but we seem to forget all the bad ones huh? That\'s what is so important for me, remembering the last several years of bullshit helps me. We basically ignored each other the last several years, both drank pretty regularly but I went off the deep end the last year. We had both gained weight, she went on a strict walking plan and lost all her weight, then decided we grew apart lol. It is what it is. Reality is though we were both miserable, even my son said that recently, drinking as much as I was just to get through the day something was definitely broken. So 4 months in sobriety and lost over 60 pounds so far, I am in a MUCH better place now. I keep focusing on that vs. sleeping the weekend away recovering..there\'s no choice where I\'d rather be. Enjoyed your journal entries, hang in there we ARE
healing!
Yes, I agree...I think the more time that passes, the more we forget about the bad times and idealize that past life. Journaling is great for that. You can go back read old entries and usually will find the experience itself was not as wonderful as the memories we choose to carry. And maybe that is a blessing, being able to forget the bad memories.
Coop, Yeah why is it that at this point I am now looking at all the good times and erasing the bad? I think for me it is seasonal - summer times were our good times mostly and he\'s off having fun and doing everything he wants and I am not and I am missing the good ole days. Congrats to you on the weight loss and sobriety! That is very impressive!
I hear you about the summer time that makes sense. We spent all our time on our deck BBQing, cold beers, friends..maybe that\'s why I am down a bit too today. It sucks being the third wheel when all your friends are still together and I really have no desire yet to date anybody. I guess we\'re just gonna have to make the best of it and count the blessings we still have..just focus on the positives. Hang in there!