memorial day weekend

i am so frustrated more and more!  i havent had a chance to breath since dad died i dont get any time alone and i feel like i am going crazy ....i had to go back to work ( a pretty full stressfull schedule) not my choice we need money.  i only have 2 days off this week sunday and monday my sister in law(husbands sis)  and wanted us to come over for memorial day I DONT WANT TO i just need some down time if only to do laundry and clean the house plus there is stuff to take care of at dad's my husband says he feels bad about not going over but he wont tell me why because he doesnt want me to feel guilty f#@#! feeling guilty i have done nothing but take care of everything for a very long time, i am run down i am sick my chest and stomach hurt all the time i am having hot flashes like crazy and mostly i just want to be alone ....tonight  my husbands band has a show i have to go because i am the photographer and i have missed all of his other shows because of all the recent events.  i will get through that by having a few drinks i have worked 6 of the 7 days this week including getting up at 5 today and working 6 hours this morning i know his sister has issues going on but why cant i just have some down time or i feel like i am actually going to have a mi i know i am not handling things well but i guess i feel like i deserve 2 days to myself to cry and grieve and miss my parents on this holiday ....and we just moved my daughter and first grandbaby, who was born 4 days before my dad died,  to far away in virginia  so this will be a very ruff day normally dad would have been there to eat....f everything i am going to take time and be selfish and be sad if i want and not feel guilty as selfish as that is!